Sunday, August 31, 2008

Rock Stars in the Kitchen

Now that we have our permanent cores, we now have these things called “family” cores; they consist of two female cores and one male core (brother and sister cores). We finally met our brother and sister cores this past Friday, that in it self was an adventure. So besides our little Friday get together our CA’s (Core Advisors) thought we needed more “family bonding” time. So we were signed up for kitchen duty on Sunday. Haha, I think that might be the last time they pair this certain group of people up again.
One of the requirements for Sunday, each group (3) had to come up with a certain “look” and wear it. The first thing out of our ACA’s (Assistant Core Advisor) mouth was 80’s; not all the girls were into that, the guys really couldn’t care less. Friday ends and we leave the whole “outfit situation” unresolved, Saturday rolls around (still nothing), and then Sunday comes. We (girls) all woke up kind of late, so we wake up realize we have about an hour and half to get ready and head to the cafĂ©. We head into overdrive mode and think frantically of what to wear.

The 80’s theme was still in mind, but not many of us were into it. So we were set to brainstorm, and me being as obsessed as I am with music came up with “rock stars.” Everyone loved the idea. The one down side to all of this, the guys had no clue we had changed the clothes on them. Here we, the girls, strut in as Rock Stars and the boys in 80’s getup. It was so funny to see. We ended up fixing up the boys and said it was rock n roll from all decades. It turned out rather nicely.

The rest of the day was filled with tricks, pranks, flying objects, running out of food, and tiring energy; but over all it was a blast. Defiantly a family core bonding moment.

Check out the pictures of the day here.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Nappy Time?

“The leaders of the world are always tired.”
-Unknown


I don’t know where I first heard this saying, but I’ve heard it quite often since I’ve been here at HA. HA is supposed to be teaching us discipline, honor, integrity and of course leadership. So when one of the interns speaks that they’re tired or exhausted, another intern who’s trying to be smart will most likely speak this quotation. All I have to say is: Boy, aint that the truth!

Since I’ve been here at the HA, almost two weeks (13 days), I’ve honestly haven’t acquired sleep that would amount to 48 hours. I’ve gotten maybe two and half, maybe three hours of sleep a night. We’re always moving, always doing something, always working, always learning, always walking/running, always in class, we hardly get a few moments to ourselves – and when we do, we take full advantage of it.

Some of us just want off the campus, so when we get the chance we attack someone with a car and bribe them to take us some where. Some of us need “alone” time, you never realized how precious those moments are until you’re living with five other people in a tiny room and are surrounded by 700+ other people on a campus. And a mass majority of us need SLEEP.

When we do have down time (especially during the day), it’s funny to walk down a dorm hallway – it’s a ghost town. No one to be found or seen. Little papers on doors asking to be quite when you enter the room. And when you do enter the room little lumps on the bed are found curled up in a ball in the corner of the bed.

“You never realize how precious something is until it’s gone.”
-Unknown


Yes, I know that saying is usually spoken for more drastic things; but why not the lack of sleep? Sleep is the body’s way of telling us that we’re tired and that we need rest. Aw, sleep. That’s a heavenly word here.

Again you never realize how the little things in life could mean so much.

I’m a girl who went to sleep at 1am and then got up at 10am. Who did nothing all day. Just relaxed, laid on the bed, played online and ate meals. And then I throw myself (willingly) into a structured organization. What was I thinking?

That the HA could give me life experience and maybe guidance. Since I’ve been here, everything I thought I was/could do/wanted/desired has completely changed. And no, I’m not being over dramatic. Completely separating yourself from the world and devoting yourself completely to God can truly make a difference in such a short amount of time. I’m scared and anxious all at once to see what will happen in this short year.

And to achieve all of this, if I need to lack sleep then I’ll do it.

“We spend half of our lives sleeping. And for what?”
-Unknown


By the way, I got a nice nap in today. Thank goodness for ministry placement and B schedule!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ministry Placement – Woo hoo!

We’ve been waiting impatiently for the last week and half to see where we will be placed for our ministry placement. We are told to go to the auditorium 45 minutes earlier so that we can be placed in alphabetical order. Who knew we had so many new interns? I weaved myself through the long lines making my way up to the C’s. Its times like these that I’m thankful I have a last name high in the alphabet, I was able to stand in the nice cool lobby while the lower letters had to stand in the heat. Not to mention I was one of the first ones to be seated and to be called. Being a C has its advantages.

We’re let into the auditorium as we’re seated by last names and wait for everyone else to come in. We sit there for about half an hour until everyone is seated. We’re all pretty nervous and excited. We can’t wait to hear where we will be working for the next year. Everyone is stating where they want to work and where they don’t want to work, the suspense is killing us!

And finally it’s time to begin. The first two rows stand and walk to the front as names start to be called. Its set up “gradation style,” your name gets called, you walk up the side steps walk across the stage shake all the hands of people in leadership for Teen Mania and Honor Academy, then walk down the other side steps and back to your seat where you’re seated. Once half of the row in front of you is seated, you’re to stand up and walk to the end of the standing line.

First row goes, names called, second row goes, more names called, third row goes, even more names called, fourth row goes… THAT’S ME! Our row jumps to our feet and runs to the end of the line, we’re even more impatient now. In seconds we will know where we will be placed.

The entire week we’ve been told that the ministry placement leaders, managers and HA board has been praying for us, that God will place us in the spot that he wants us and can use us; some of us have even been praying for ourselves – we might be a little bias though.

The names of a couple people ahead of me are called, I hold my breath. Jobs are called: ATF call center, kitchen crew, GE call center, facilities, ATF call center – Stella Cordova… CCM. I smile brightly as there’s a slight hop in my step as I walk up the stairs and shake people’s hands. Joy overfills me. I walk past the manager of CCM as he smiles shakes my hand: “Welcome to the team!” I smile and nod: “Thank you.” I finish the walk of shaking hands as I walk down the steps and to my seat. I sit and do a little chair dance as the row behind me stands and goes.

CCM! Yes! Out of all the ministry placements that I could have gotten, CCM was at the top of my list. Being able to work on the E-Strategies team would be a dream come true! I would be sitting at a computer all day; working on the Internet; learning how to make, edit and maintain websites; learn to use new programs (Photoshop, mass blaster, etc.); help brainstorm new ideas and projects; have the chance to help complete projects for ATF – that will be seen by THOUSANDS of teenagers; hang out in an environment that is nothing but pure creativeness and craziness; help make, film and edit videos; the possibilities of CCM are endless – Center of Creative Minds runs everything media oriented for all Teen Mania organizations, and I am being given the chance to experience this; wow.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Skulls = Death

So it seems like my little punk gothic ways are starting to get the best of me. That was one problem I knew I was going to have when I got to the HA; I knew I would have to change my “fashion” style. I was dreading it a bit. I really didn’t want to change the way I looked, but I knew it was a must; plus changing your clothes is a small price to pay to get the experience you receive at the HA. I had to get an entirely new wardrobe; I spent months trying to find “brighter” clothes then what I usually wore. I love how my brightest new piece of clothing is a plum colored shirt; I don’t care for bright color’s much.

Here I am, at home, packing the day before I leave for the HA. Trying to pack all my new clothes and dreading having to leave all my black, gray, boots and gothic attire at home. The one thing that did make the cut, were these little plastic skull rubber bands. There about an inch and half wide and about two inches tall, plastic and in the shape of a skull. I love the rubber bands and they bring me joy every time I think of them. I packed them, along with my solid black cross and star; and left everything else at home.

Arriving to the HA, I wasn’t too thrilled with having to wear “brighter” clothes but I did do it with a ‘joyful’ heart. And to be honest some of the shirts are starting to rub off on me (the darker ones – HAHA!).

This past Sunday all the interns had to go to a neighboring church for service. We were all pretty excited, not only were we able to experience another church but we were also able to get off campus! Yes!

Getting ready for church, I didn’t really think about what I was wearing: a black skirt, dark cameo brown shirt and the cute little skulls in my hair. We head outside, wait for the shuttle and head to the church. I have to say, that was a very exciting trip. The church was about five minutes away, but interns who have been conformed to a campus for over a week could make a party out of anything.

We get to the church, walked in and took our seats; and there was when people started to notice my hair. One of my Gauntlet Core roommates noticed my hair and asked what I was wearing. I looked at my clothes and said that it was appropriate; she then pointed to my hair. I moved my hand to the skulls and smiled: “They’re cute.” “They represent death and are evil.” “They are not. They’re a fun and cool accessory.” She shook her head and walked away.

She wasn’t the only one to notice my hair before the service, other interns started to whisper about my hair and one told me to take the skulls out. I sat in my chair and listed to the sermon, the skulls tightly in my hair. After the service the same roommate came up to me again and once again talked to me about my skulls. I told her they meant nothing, just something fun to wear. She then went on to say that her father would never allow her to buy anything with skulls. I smiled and laughed as I lifted my purse, the design of skulls and cross-bones along with pink hearts; “My dad bought me this.” She looked at me, mouth wide open and in shock. The people around us also gapped.

Returning back to campus I asked a friend on the bus what she thought of the whole “skull” situation. She had the same thought as me. The next day I sat with some other friends at lunch and I started to explain what had happened the day before. Neither knew I was the one with the skulls, but they had heard and seen them. At this point, I was starting to get a little annoyed.

After lunch I went back to the dorm and asked my other roommates. They also said what the Gauntlet roommate had said: Skulls = Death. “But that’s not true.” “It might not be true, but that is what the church thinks.” “I wear them all the time to my church, along with other skulls. I never had problems before.” They shook their heads and shrugged. “It just wasn’t the time or place. You have to respect the atmosphere of the church.” I sighed and nodded.

Who would have thought that a little pair of plastic skulls would cause such a stir? That doesn’t mean that I won’t wear them any more, I will. I just have to be more cautious and aware of where and when I wear them.

Plus, if Building 429 and Pillar thought they rocked – they must be cool.

Ha ha.

Friday, August 22, 2008

School of Worship

Coming to the HA I had two goals in mind.

Goal one: Grow in Christ, become disciplined, and become the godly women God wants me to be.
Goal two: Earning a spot in the School of Worship and honing my (lack of) musical skill.

At home I practiced and practiced, trying to learn and sharpen my knowledge of the piano. I spent tons of hours with my aunt leaning new songs and trying to perfect them. I spent countless hours online looking for songs to play and then practicing them. Countless hours of sitting at a piano and wishing that it would explode. Countless hours of singing and playing the piano. And to be honest, I thought I had come a long way in the short amount of time I had prior to arriving to HA.

I had my whole year at HA planned out. I would come to HA, learn and grow in Christ; then enter School of Worship and perfect my musical skills and learn to write amazing, beautiful and life-changing songs. But sadly, God didn’t have that in mind for me. Some times it’s hard to remember that it’s God’s will and not yours.

When I was called to do my audition I was so nervous, I couldn’t remember the notes, the keys, and the pitch. I was so nervous. After my audition they told me that I had courage and if I kept at it I could probably do great, but for the time being I was just not what they were looking for. Their words pierced my heart.

Music is my life; I constantly have it on, constantly singing words to a lyric and constantly reference songs and bands to everyday situations. And I feel like I am to glorify God with music. So when I was told that I wasn’t going to be accepted, I felt like a part of me had died; a part of me that had kept me alive for a long time. And then when the list of names of people who were accepted into SOW was posted, I tried so hard to force myself not to look; but I couldn’t. Looking at that list and not seeing my name, confirmed that the door of SOW was closed; for the time being.

Looking around and seeing so many happy people, so excited and proud that they had gotten in; broke my heart. A good friend that I made on the bus the first day heading to HA had tried out and he made it. I was so happy and proud of him, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. Looking at the names on the list and seeing all the people who were excited that they were accepted – I noticed that almost everyone who had tried had gotten accepted.

At that moment, Satan had a crack to squeeze in through; and he took it. Ever since the day I was told I was most likely not going to be accepted Satan was using that tab bit of sad information against me to keep me from worshiping God.

Again, music is my core inner being. So being able to worship God is a time that I cherish and look forward to everyday. It’s a time where it’s just me and God, where I can go and crawl into his lap and love on him. And Satan had invaded that sacred moment.

He filled my head with doubts, regret and bitterness; feeding me lies that God couldn’t hear my worship. That I wasn’t worthy to worship and bitterness that God gave me this passion but then didn’t give the means. I struggled for days after the audition to get back into the comfort, sacred and loving place that God and I once shared; but once that list was posted Satan used all those lies again to keep me from God.

I was so upset, furious and hurt; I didn’t know what to think, what to say or how to react. I didn’t know how to worship God any more. The inner music in my soul had been shunned out. The door I once used to feel God, the only way I knew God was now closed and I didn’t know how to reopen it. I constantly find myself crying out to God; I know he thinks I’m a cry baby – ha. I sat and I spoke to him, I didn’t worship, I didn’t cry, didn’t plead, I just spoke to God and I realized that God didn’t place this sadness in my life to hurt me, but to make me stronger. And that I was feeding off of the lies of Satan and that I needed to kick him out of the sacred moments that God and I shared.

Sitting in worship seeing hundreds of people around me worshiping freely and moving in the Spirit, again a ting of bitterness rose up in me. And that was when I realized that yes not making SOW was a sad moment, it was a sad thing but there was a reason and just because it was sad it didn’t mean that I couldn’t worship and spend that time with God once again. For who is better to make you happy again but God?

Why would I give Satan the satisfaction of making me sad, why would I let him win the battle of my mind and heart?

Sitting still that night of worship I talked to God and it was just like old worship times. I finally realized that I didn’t need loud music and fast beat’s to speak and praise God. I just needed to come to him full heartedly and be with him.

All he wants is my love and attention and nothing else. I can worship him in so many other ways other then music, and that night I realized that.

Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
– Philippians 4:13

The devil really seems to want to keep me down. I mean, I know that is his purpose is to seek and destroy. But I didn't think it would be this hard, that seems to be my statement for my entire Honor Academy experience. Since I started to pack weeks ago to head down here, I knew I was unprepared. Even though I took plenty of time to prepare and physic up myself, I found myself at the last moment struggling to get everything done. And then as soon as I got here and placed my first step on the HA ground, I knew I was in for a fight.

HA is nothing of what I expected. Everything I thought and knew is completely different. The first thing that the Executive Director made known was that: We were all here for a reason, it was no chance that we had made it this far. He went on to explain that everyone had been praying for us, that God would lead the right people to come, and that we would learn much from our one year at the Honor Academy.

To be honest, I thought nothing of this. Growing up in church, half my life, I've always heard this: Pray that God will lead the right people to come, pray that the people who need to come will come, pray for God's will, etc. And honestly, viewing all the "praying" and wishing for God's "will" never really turned out well. I grew to think it was just something that everyone said but never really meant it. And now I think differently about that.

This first week (Yes, I've ONLY been here for a week. Feels like months.) has taught me so much, and I know that's so cliché; but it's so true. I've never felt more at peace in my life. I feel content and know that I can do this with God's help. I can't rely on myself, I've always relied on my own strength; and I'm not that strong, so I would always fail. But now, I'm starting to learn that I need to trust in God and let him encourage and strengthen me.

Believe me; it wasn't easy for me to come to this conclusion, it took me six days. Saturday morning, I was energetic and I was hopeful. I woke up early and was ready for Corporate; I didn't walk the track very well, but I did give it my all. Sunday, woke up went to Corporate and walked a little more. Monday, woke up went to Corporate again and this, this was where Satan had it in for me. I was determined to walk the whole course, I was determined that I would also run a bit.

I walked a bit and then ran, then walked then ran; I continued this cycle for a while with my partner, I wouldn't run far though – only a few steps. She was determined to get me to push myself, so she set up goals for me to reach; the last goal was to run the entire length of the pavilion. I started at the back and headed towards the front, I was running really well, I was starting to get hope that I could do this, that I could run this track and that it wouldn't defeat me. We got half way, I smiled and started pushing harder and the, I fell into a pot hole. My foot slipped into it for a second causing me to slow down, my ankle to twist and running into my partner.

In panic I stopped for a second to regain myself and started to walk again, I started to cry as my partner hugged me. It scared the heck out of me. I was running and out of no where I miss-stepped and it caused me to weave. How many times does that happen to us in life? How many times do we think we know what's right for us, do it and then fall into a hole? How many times do we know God's will yet chose to disobey and end in a place we would rather not be?

That's me. That's my life right there. The devil knew that in that instant that I miss-stepped that he could come in and take me down and he tried. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I took deep breaths, shook my head and held back my tears as I picked up my pace once again and ran to the goal we had placed before us. It was a mini victory, but a victory nonetheless for me.

Later that day I was walking to my dorm with a friend, she was on the sidewalk and I was on the grass; another miss-step and I found myself in another pot hole. This time I completely went down on my ankle and twisted it badly. I stood up straight and limped back to my room. I was okay a few hours later but the next morning it hurt to walk, let alone run or do exercise. I pushed myself so hard to do something (the day before) that was so hard for me at full strength, now at half.

I was able to do Corporate and was able to walk the track: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But my foot still hurt. Each day it got a little easier to walk as the day went on, but the morning was killer. It hurt to wake up so early, walk to the avail and then do exercise; it was painful, very. But I was determined that I wouldn't let the pain get to me. I was determined that I would do the exercise and the track.

I woke up this morning and again my foot was hurting me. It hurt more then the days before. I walked to the avail with a limp; I was hardly able to keep up with the exercises, and then we had to do the track. Again, I was determined not to let the pain hold me back. I walked up the slightly steep (small) hill to the starting place and jogged for a bit, one of my roommates came next to me and urged me on. She had been my partner a few days before. She kept me motivated, kept me moving and kept quoting scripture to me: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

She set up goals for me and I made them; but I would make goals myself, I was determined to go father then what she set up. We kept going by light posts: "Start running here and go to the next post and then stop." I was determined to pass the one she told me and go to the next one; surprisingly enough, I did. By the time we had finished the course, I had ran 1/4 of the 1.2 track. I was so proud. I seriously doubted that I would ever be able to run the track. But now that I know I can do a quarter of it, I now have the confidence to do the rest.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Shield of Kindness

The new August interns of 2008 made Gauntlet history this past week; it rained for four days straight. Now some people might think: “Well, because it’s raining they might limit or postpone some of the activities.” No - not at all. We still had to wake up at 5am and run in the rain, had to walk in the rain to class and worship, and had to walk in the rain to job testing – well some of us had to walk in the rain for that; I was one of the lucky few who had the pleasure of that.

Right after worship one morning, they called out a long list of people’s names to come to the front. After everyone had left, except for the names on the list, we found out that we had to do some job testing. At HA you have a working internship; some of the jobs you can do is be a caller (Acquire the Fire, BattleCry, Honor Academy & Global Expeditions), kitchen crew (help prepare, serve & clean the kitchen), facilities (clean and maintain the grounds), IT (maintain computers and networks), CCM (Center of Creative Media – help create the media that all Teen Mania uses), and some other job (secretary, assistant, etc.). Now in some of these jobs you need special skills, so before they place you in that ministry they test your skills to see if you will be able to hold your ground. I was lucky enough to be called into the CCM group.

So here we are walking towards the CCM building which is about half a mile off to the side of the HA main campus. At first it was bright and sunny, the birds were chirping and we were loving life. Out of no where it starts to sprinkle, we’re thinking: “Its okay, only a few drops of rain won’t hurt us.” As soon as we turn the corner to walk up the slight incline of the hill to hit the CCM driveway it starts to pour down like there’s no tomorrow. There’s a group of about 15 of us, some of us pulled out umbrella’s, some ran for their lives up the hill and others tagged along in the back – I was one of the tag alongs’.

Here we are walking up this hill, in the next Noah’s flood, as cars are zooming up and down this road. We’re trying to walk to the side so we don’t get in their way or hit. So, we’re still walking when this car slows down, honks and opens the door, the driver calls me over hands me an umbrella, closes the car door and drives away. I look at this umbrella open it and run back to the group of people I was walking with to help shield them from the rain; and then I begin to laugh. I have no clue who that guy was that handed me this umbrella.

We finish our nice little walk in the flood as we reach the CCM building and enter it; they break us into groups as they tell us which tests we will perform. We’re taken into different rooms and are talked to about CCM and what we will do if we are placed there. We take our tests and then are let go. I walk back down the hill with the umbrella in hand as I continue to laugh.

“Some random guy in a car, slowed down, opened the door, handed me this umbrella, closed the door and then drove away;” I told my roommates as I entered the dorm. They stared at me and laughed.

The things that happen at the HA.

Week One at the HA

Today is my fifth day at the Honor Academy and it seems so much longer. Everything that I've been exposed to and have had to experience seems too great to have had all happened in five days. I'm having a great time; I enjoy all the activities (even Corporate). You defiantly never know how far you can stretch yourself and how much you can achieve until you are force to.

We wake up every morning at 5am and get dressed for Corporate. We then head outside to the pavilion and start exercise at 5:30am. We do stretches and different types of exercise for about half an hour to 45mins and then we run a 1.2 mile track that circles the campus. I won't lie, I want to die every time I run (walk) that track. I've been surprising myself each day though.

The first day I was only able to walk about one fourth of it; the second day, one half; third day all of it and then today I ran more then the other days and walked about 1.5 (they added in another part) miles in the cold pouring rain.

I was very surprised that I could push myself that far, countless times I wanted to stop and give up; but I didn't. My core was by my side rooting me on. Daily, girls in my core and surrounding cores are coming up to me saying that I encourage them.

My core consists of ten other girls, five of which are my room mates. These are our temporary cores until we get into our permanent dorms. Our cores are to help us make friends easier and quickly when we first arrive. Also, so that we can have tight knit families to rely, reach out to, lean and depend on.

The first week at the Honor Academy is called Gauntlet, this week consists of intense classes, activates, and studying. Following the Gauntlet we head into Orange Block which is where we are restricted to do and have certain things. We are trying to detach ourselves from the world and focus on the Lord. Some things that we are restricted of are: sugar, texting, limited Internet time, phone calls, leaving campus and sleeping over.

At the moment all the interns are in the middle of job placement; to determine where we would best fit to do our working internship. We had interviews yesterday and call interviews today. We should know where we are working for the internship next Tuesday.

This Friday we will be having a diner ceremony where we will be asked to commit the entire year to the Honor Academy. We will abide to the rules, code of honors and mission statements; and of course devote this year to God to seek what he has for our lives.

Then Saturday we will move into our permanent dorms where we will stay for the rest of the year. And this will also be the first time we will be allowed to leave the campus since we came. We're all super excited and counting down the days to where we will be able to go to Wal-Mart and get some much needed things.

Out of everything that the Honor Academy has to offer, I have to say that worship is my favorite. I'm sad to say that I didn't quiet make the school of worship requirements, but I am determined to continue working at my skill and hopefully I can make it next year.

Over all, these very short last few days have been better then what I could ever expect. Can't wait to see what the upcoming weeks hold.