Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Long Awkward Hallway

Most of the offices of Teen Mania that are in the admin building are: Acquire the Fire, Extreme Camps, IT, E-Strategies and all the executive offices. The admin building is two stories high and has tons of different hallways you can get lost in. One hallway that is the most famous is the hallway I need to walk through everyday to get to work: ‘The Long Awkward Hallway.’

This hallway is seriously about 90 feet long, maybe longer. And it has nothing in it; just one long hallway with huge pictures hanging on the walls. The reason why this hallway is called the ‘Long Awkward Hallway’ is because you can be at one end of the hallway and you will be staring at the other person coming towards you for a good minute or two in silence. Not to mention because of the length of the hallway people are always in it to do the most randomest things.

You will find cores having their meetings in the hallway, people having business or personal meetings, people having their quiet time, people dancing, people scootering, people lying down, people running into the walls; there are many odd things that happen in this hallway.

I’ve had my fair share of odd-awkward moments in the hallway; it makes you laugh and gives you a great story to tell: ‘Once upon a time my coworker and I were walking down the hallway to get water as we were pretending to fly down the hallway and running our hands across the wall and pictures. We get about half way down the hallway when we see the director of the Honor Academy turn the corner. He looks at us with a smile as we immediately place or hands at our side and stop zigzagging. “Hello Mr. Hauz!” “Hello ladies. Having a nice day?” “Yes sir, and how is yours?” “Going good thank you.” He continues to smile as we pass him and we run down the rest of the hallway to get away, bursting into laughter.’

Oh aren’t interns silly?

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Judgmental Death

It never ceases to amaze me; with a drop of a hat – everyone can be a Broadway star. They cry, flair, stomp their feet, pull their hair, throw themselves over the casket; is this truly their actions, are they truly feeling these emotions and pains or am I looking at them too critically? I think not.

They parade around prancing, noses in the air, the stench of stale liquor following their trail. They make it to the end of the row, look at the casket, knees shake, hands tremble, eyes blur with tears as they step wobbly to the orphan and collapse into a waterfall of tears. I roll my eyes as I watch the horrid disarray takes place. Heartless? Maybe. More chemically imbalanced seem to flock to the scene, they seem to travel in packs, they all smother the orphan trapping him in the middle of a circle of miss placed arms, bodies and affection; they weep as one big blubbering ball of human mess.

I don’t blame the orphan, he doesn’t know better; but the others, the ‘adults,’ I despise them. They ruin every family outing with their antics, they never learn their not welcomed when using. They finish playing out their outrageous play as they whip their eyes, fix their clothes and calmly walk to a pew to sit, bow their heads and pray – the one thing they do right.

My eyes move to the slow moving body coming down the side of my pew, I turn slightly, their shoulders are heavy, head lowered, eyes swollen, their atmosphere screams – lost. They make their way to the casket as they stand a few feet away from the foot. I study them, their body language is different then before; their more frantic this time, more scared – their truly alone this time. A little boy walks down the red velvet carpeted centered aisle to the man – my father.

My nephew hugs him and then looks to the casket, my step mom. This entire time I’ve been sitting comfortably from my pew, watching everyone, taking everything in – and it amazes me on how people act at funerals.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Ping-Pong Anyone?

After two days of finding out that my step-mom passed, I was finally on my way home for the funeral. Two of my roommates had already dropped out of ESOAL by the time I had to go to the airport; we all woke up early and got on the road to head towards Dallas a good two hour road trip. We stopped for gas and prayed for a safe trip as we entered the highway; nothing could have prepared us for what was going to happen on that road trip. We were about 45 minutes away from the airport, singing along to Skillet’s ‘Comatose’ CD as we saw an impatient black BMW behind a white expedition swerve into our lane cutting us off.

We were driving down a two lane highway; we were on the left side as the two other cars were on the right. The distance between the front of our car and the back of the white expedition was less then 10 feet when the black BMW swerved into our lane. We swerved our car to the left barely missing the BMW by seconds; with the speed we were going, it sent the car out of control. With our rapid turn to the left we ran into the guard rail and bounced off it. The impact of the hit sent us back to the BMW; by this time the BMW was at the same speed of the white expedition.

On this two lane highway, three cars were occupying both the lanes; we all lined up in a perfect row. We hit the BMW and bounced back to the left, back into the guard rail. We bounced again into the white expedition, by this time the BMW had speed up and was now in front of us. We bounced off the white expedition and once more into the guard rail; with one more bounce, we came off the guard rail and into a ditch on the far right.

We all sat in the car as we tried to comprehend what just happened. In the process of our car playing ping-pong the windows had cracked and glass was thrown every where, all of our belongings were sprawled over the car, and the passenger in the back seat was injured. By the time we ran into the ditch the black BMW had speed off and was out of sight. The driver and I were able to open our doors and step out as the passenger of the white expedition ran towards us to see if we were okay.

After the fastest 30 minutes of my life passed, which felt like seconds, the car we were driving was picked up, our roommate was rushed to the hospital, and we (the driver and myself) were in a cop car on our way to the hospital to be with our roommate.

Moments after the accident I called my manager from work to inform him we were in a wreck; it was the only number I had of who I knew could help us. My manager was a major in ESOAL and was able to find the director of the Honor Academy, my major, my dorm director and my CA. Within minutes tons of people were praying for us; my roommates and I.

The driver and I sat in the waiting room as we waited impatiently to see our roommate. We were able to go in minutes later and stayed with her until people from the Honor Academy were able to meet us. By this time an hour or so had passed and the driver started to become in great pain; she checked herself in and I stayed with our roommate.

Moments after the two ladies from the Honor Academy arrived with a new car to pick us up, the roommate and me got into the car with the driver to take me to the airport; leaving the driver of our car with the other HA person.

I was the only person in the wreck that wasn’t hospitalized.

By this time about four hours had passed from the wreck, I had missed my flight and didn’t know if I could make it home. We got to the airport, we spoke with the airplane company and I was able to get on another flight. I had to wait about an hour for my flight; I sat in the lobby as I called everyone back to inform them of everything that had happened.

After a long 12 hour day I finally made it home, safe, back to California.

This just isn’t my week.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The End of a Timeline

It was odd waking in a room with only one other person in it. All my roommates and core families are in ESOAL. I had to drop out of ESOAL; that was so hard for me to do. I received another dreadful phone call from my dad last night; my step-mom has passed away. I received the text to call my dad during Wednesday Night Service (WNS) but couldn’t call him until after the service was over.

ESOAL started in WNS; we had to line up in our company’s and platoons. We were told the rules and what was expected of us. The entire time since I received the dreadful text of: “Call me,” my mind was spinning. I knew what had happened but I didn’t want to believe it. As soon as we were released to go back to the dorms to grab our stuff and to meet on the football field, my major found me pulled me aside and asked me if I had made a decision to do ESOAL or not. I told him I had received the text and that I needed to call my dad. We walked to his office; I called my dad as my world had been drastically changed again.

I don’t remember how long I was on the phone, how long I was in that chair or how long I was in his office; all I remember - are the tears. I sat in my company major’s office as I tried to re-control my emotions and to think things through. We sat there and spoke about if I should do ESOAL, he strongly suggested that I drop out and go home. We then went to find my dorm director to inform her that I was dropping out and that I needed Emergency Leave.

I walked back to the dorms by myself; the walk from the admin to the dorms always seems to take forever, this time it seemed like time was frozen. I entered my hall and into my room to find my roommates excited and getting ready. I told them what had happened as fresh tears appeared, we then walked next door to my core and then down the hall to my CA’s room. They all prayed over me and my family; encouraging me in the most influential way.

My core finished getting ready for ESOAL as we all walked as a core to the football field. The next hardest thing I had to face was moments away: I had to tell my company I was dropping out. We all stepped onto the field as we headed towards our company; I stood in front of the second lieutenant (brother core) as I told him I had to drop out. He gathered all the leaders of each platoon and they all prayed for my family and me. I told the rest of my family core and company good-bye quickly as I ran off the field before the time limit hit.

I walked back to the dorm by myself as I watched my company lay on the field in the cold wet grass to sleep, it was 11pm. My sister core’s CA meet up with me as we watched the company. We walked back to the dorm, to my room and slept.

The end of the first day of a new unknown future.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Unknown Stars

ESOAL starts tonight, after Wednesday Night Service. I stayed outside last night until about midnight; sitting in the cold wet grass staring at the stars. I don’t know what I’m going to do about my step-mom’s situation. Do I want to go home? Do I want to stay? My emotions are running high; I’m scared to think of the unknown future.

I went to work early today, to speak with my manager and project manager about leaving early last night. They completely understood and already knew, my coworker and roommate had emailed them. I also wanted to distract myself, I don’t want to think of the “what if” any more. I need to think of something else.

I don’t know if I want to do ESOAL; I’ve been training so hard to do it, but I don’t know if I can focus on it. Can I give my all and be committed when I know that my step-mom is on her death bed. She made it through the night, but the doctors give her no chance of making it through the day. Her body is slowly shutting down. My dad and step-brothers have been at the hospital all night, I feel so horrible for not being there with them. I want to go home to support them and to see my step-mom once more, but I can’t miss work and school.

I’m torn on what to do. Do I go home and miss ESOAL or do I stay and do ESOAL and feel awful.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Dreaded Phone Call

There’s one type of call that you never want to receive that can come in two ways: 1) Receiving a phone call saying that someone you care for has gotten deadly ill or 2) Receiving a phone call saying that someone you care for has passed. Sadly I have received this type of call and have given it.

My dad called this afternoon to inform me that my step-mom had gone into a coma; my head swam as I listened to the explanation. Why is it that death seems to creep upon my family? That it sneaks into the small cracks and floods the door in.

My step-mom had gone in for a small surgery, it went well and everything had gone great; but when she woke the next morning (today) she didn’t know where she was at or who she was. Fear crept upon her as she panicked and became physical with the nurses and doctors; they restrained her to protect themselves and her. My dad rushed to the hospital to be with her, by that time she slowly started to get her memory back, she remembered my dad and pleaded with him to take her home.

When my dad arrived at the hospital they were finally able to calm my step-mom enough to take some tests. They placed her on the MRI table and got ready to do the test; she then had a heart attack and went into a coma.

My dad called me moments later to inform me what happened; my world froze in place – not again. I sat outside the main building on the water fountain crying; I clang to the phone as my dad spoke. I was unable to go back to work after that; my roommate saw me and I told her what happened, she went and grabbed my stuff. I walked back to the dorm as I ran into friends; they stopped and prayed over me and my family. I love how everyone around you is like family, they don’t care who or what the situation is they just want to love over you.

I placed my things in my room as I went and told my CA and then went to lie under the stars. What am I going to do? The doctors give my step-mom has no chance of making it through the night. What if she passes? I’m going to have to go home, I’m going to have to miss class, I’m going to miss my roommates, my core, my family core – I’m going to have to miss ESOAL.

God, what’s going to happen? My dad can’t loose my step-mom. Are we going to be able to handle another death?

Friday, September 12, 2008

Take that Satan!

ESOAL is a short five days away and corporate is getting more and more intense to get us ready. We’ve been told to run as a platoon the last few days; I’ve been able to keep up with walking and running but I still hold the group back a bit. So this morning when we were told to run as a company I got a little panicked. The slowest people (person) was to go to the front and lead the pace – me.

I did well at first; I tried my best to keep up and ran as fast as I could. I did however fall behind. My company ran ahead of me, cheering for me the entire time, as I continued to run at my pace with the lieutenant. We ran and ran and ran, the lieutenant constantly giving me praise and encouraging words.

We ran half of the loop, the oval that circles the front of the campus, I smiled as big as I could; I had never done that before. The lieutenant also smiled and cheered for me as we continued to run, by this time we were catching up with the rest of the company. We ran three-fourths of the loop as we finally made it back to the company; still running a few feet behind everyone. One of my brother core saw me and cheered me on, if it wasn’t for him I really don’t think I could have made it as far as I did.

We continued to run as we made it to the point where we started, one full loop. And guess what? I hadn’t stopped running! I had run the entire time. I saw the end of the cafeteria, as I felt myself starting to get tired, every muscle in my body was screaming stop. And just then the lieutenant spoke: ‘Don’t listen to Satan. He’s going to try and make you stop. Make him stop, stomp him out.’ She looked at me with a smile as I nodded and we sprinted to the finish/starting point.

As we passed the point I smiled and praised God, I had been praying for strength the entire time we were running. I honestly couldn’t believe I had made it that far. As I slowed down from the sprint, I saw that the company was still running; loop number two! I groaned as I watched the company make the slight turn, the lieutenant shook her head and pushed me to go further. ‘You can do this! Look at you! You just ran one ENTIRE loop! We can do another. Come on! I have faith in you.’ I groaned again and grind my teeth as we continued to run.

We ran and ran and ran some more, we made it to the guard booth (half way) as I saw the company again; we were picking up speed on them once more. ‘Look at that! You ran one and half loops! And we’re catching up with the company!’ the lieutenant spoke happily as we ran up the slight incline of the road. Honestly, I could care less if we had run one and half loops or that we were catching up with the company; I wanted to stop. I wanted to walk, I wanted to catch my breath, I wanted to give into my flesh; as soon as that thought entered my mind I knew I couldn’t do this on my own. I started to pray once more and quoted Philippians 4:13; we caught up slightly with the company once more as the same brother core brother saw me and cheered me on once more.

We ran and ran and ran as the cafeteria came into view once more; I smiled as I pushed myself harder and harder. My legs were sore, my arms hurting and my chest ached as again the thought of stopping entered my mind: ‘You did so well, you fought hard; you can walk the rest, you did your best.’ I shook my head as the lieutenant’s words came back to me: ‘Stomp him OUT!’ I puffed harder as I ran a little quicker. Loop number two – complete!

By this time the company had completely left us in the dust; they were on their third loop and were racing. As we made it to the finish/starting point I was told to run in place as the lieutenant went to speak with the major, he told us to run the tear drop – the small loop in the big loop, about one-fourth of the full loop size. I nodded as I slowly picked up my pace once more and continued to run. I was not going to give up. I was not going to give in! I wasn’t running for me any more, I wasn’t running for the lieutenant, I wasn’t running for the major – I was running for God, and I knew he was proud of me.

We made it back to the finish/starting point, two and one-third loops – yay! The lieutenant and I were called over to the major and captain, as we made our way to them I continued to jog in place. The major then spoke: ‘Alright Stella, good job. You can stop running now… Stella stop running.’ I shook my head and said: ‘No sir.’ He looked at me and nodded: ‘Alright then. Run over to the middle of the road and when your company comes in, line them into platoons and gather them together.’ I nodded as I ran to the middle of the road and jogged in place.

I watched as my company started to come up the slight incline of the road, I cheered them on as they made it towards me. They all made their way to the finish/starting point as I directed them into platoons - and told them to continue running in place.

We waited as all the platoons came, still running, once all the platoons came in and the prize of the race was given out (five minute break in ESOAL) the major started to run in place himself and spoke: ‘Alright, we’re going to run one more tear drop. Stella, lead the company. You can not pass Stella, she’s setting the pace.’ I looked at him out of the corner of my eye: ‘Are you serious?’ I thought as he turned around and started to run. I took a deep breath and followed after him.

We ran a few steps as I ran behind the major and captain; they were a good three maybe four feet ahead of me. We ran about one-third the tear drop as I started to think: ‘Why do we want to finish the way we started? We’re running for God, not ourselves; let’s give him what he deserves.’ I took as deep of a breath as I could as I pumped my arms harder and quickened my pace. I sprinted down half the tear drop as the major turned his head slightly to find me in the middle of both him and the captain; he smiled: ‘Good job Stella.’ He and the captain quickened their pace as I picked up mine to match theirs.

We ran side by side as I could hear the company behind me struggling to keep up. We ran about three-fourths of the tear drop as my chest started to feel like it was on fire, I would not stop or slow down – this wasn’t for me, this was for God. We made it to finish finisihing point as we all slowed down and took deep breaths. For the first time since we started running, I had stopped. I had run the entire time, I didn’t stop once. I smiled and thanked God; I truly couldn’t have done it on my own.

We walked down the decline of the walk way to the anvil as we started to stretch. My platoon came around me as my ACA looked at me and beamed: ‘Where did that sprint come from? We couldn’t keep up with you!’ She smiled as she hugged me.

‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me’
-Philippians 4:13

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Core Support

I hate God’s humor, it really isn’t entertaining.

So I decided Sunday that I wouldn’t do ESOAL. I made my mind up and wasn’t doing it. I was getting ready to drop out after corporate this morning; I had been procrastinating because I knew I would get disappointed looks from my core and family cores.

All through corporate my core, family cores and company would encourage me; telling me I could do it, saying I was doing well, that I was an inspiration and lots of other feel good things, but to me it seemed like I was holding them back. My company always has to be looking out for me, always watching my back to make sure I don’t fall too far behind, or make sure that I’m not dying in a ditch; I felt like a burden to them.

So here we are early morning at 5:30am running (walking) the track and one of my platoon/roommates is walking with me. We run a little, walk a little, run, walk, talk, tell jokes, sing, whatever it might be to keep us moving; and in front of us is a group of three girls also walking. We watched them from about 10 feet away in silent; it broke my heart to hear what two of the girls were saying to the third. One of the girls was having problems keeping up with the other two and the two that were ahead were nagging her to keep up. Saying un-encouraging words and telling her to hurry up; you could tell by her body language she felt defeated.

And at the moment, out of no where, I could hear God saying: ‘I love you, can’t you see that?’ And at that moment I was instantly thankful for my roommate, my core, family cores and company. Here’s my partner jogging with me when she could easily run as fast as she could and finish the set course in minutes, but instead she jogs the 30 minutes with me. Every time someone in my company passes me on the track they encourage me to continue on. Every time a core mate runs by they tell me they love me. God has blessed me with such caring, loving and supporting people and I want to just throw all of that way away? God placed these people in my life for a reason; and if they’re not going to give up on me, then why should I give up on myself?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Mysterious Contents of the Box

It’s funny how something you see everyday in your room, something you wear all the time or a dog eared Bible can mean so much to you when you see them again a month later. I got my first package from home today. I was so happy, so excited, so thrilled to get this package. It was huge and covered in tape; it was like Christmas with all the stuff you already had.

Who would have thought that a hoodie would bring such joy to me – well it would bring joy to a person who had been being drowned in a flood and had no protection. Dang you hurricane Ike!

My favorite thing in the box, an orange sweater that accidently got packed; who would have thought it would bring me such joy? Here I am emptying out my box looking at all the shirts, skirts, pants, jackets, posters (PILLAR!!) and books when at the very bottom is an orange sweeter. I starred at it at first; I wasn’t expecting that to be in the box. I took a deep breath and held it tight. I smiled as tears started to come to me – one of my mom’s favorite sweater’s.

I had called and asked my dad to send me some much needed clothes. My dad didn’t want to dig through my stuff so he got my step mom to do it. I told her everything I wanted and told her to grab whatever else she thought looked nice or would keep me warm. I keep a few articles of my mom’s in my room and closet, it just caught me off guard to see that sweater. My step mom had no clue what she had done, but I’m glad that the sweater was packed.

No matter what happens, it seems that my mom is always making her self known. Little things that happen and comfort us; letting us know that she is around. I keep the sweater nicely folded near my bed with Spot and think of my mom often. If it wasn’t for my mom making herself known in small ways, I wouldn’t be here.

Packages from home, they bring more joy then you could ever imagine.




HINT HINT.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

ESOAL – RAPTURE!

Oh the dreaded ESOAL is a week and half. Everyone is getting nervous and anxious. Me on the other hand, am dead set against not doing ESOAL. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, ESOAL is the only LTE that isn’t mandatory, I honestly don’t think I can do it. I really don’t.

I’ve slowly, very slowly been raising my endurance; but it’s still no where close where it should be. I’ve been sick the last two and half weeks, which has been keeping me from running. I’ve been having to go to alternate which is where you do more corporate exercises. I can’t catch my breath during the exercises and I can hardly keep up with the pace and counting.

This afternoon my company marched up and down the football field, we were practicing for ESOAL; we will need to march every where during ESOAL and if we don’t do it in the correct manner it will cause us trouble. So here we are marching up and down this field for about an hour and I can’t keep up. I keep falling behind, I can’t keep the tempo and then we start to run. I’m sick, can’t breath, chest is congested; I ended up having to pull myself out and coughed up a lung – not a fun or pretty sight.

I ended up sitting on the side lines as the company finished, there’s just no way I’m going to be able to do ESOAL. I can’t run, can’t keep up in corporate and I can’t march up a field for an hour.

Lord, I’m going to die… Take us now, PLEASE!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

TheHopeLine

‘TheHopeLine is a Christian phone-in and on-line chat/text “help line” for teenagers and young adults. It exists as a ministry of Dawson McAllister Association to carry out the Great Commission of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Because we believe “All Scripture is God-breathed and is profitable for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16), we find the basis for what we do and the solutions which we offer in the Scriptures.’
-Taken from TheHopeLine Training Manual Student’s Version


TheHopeLine is another amazing organization that we interns at Teen Mania have the chance to work in. There are three calling centers all over the United States and Teen Mania has the privilege to be one of them. Every Sunday interns go into the ATF calling center and answer phone calls from hurting and lost teens and young adults. Most people call to just have some one listen and to feel like someone cares, others call to get information and help, others call because they’re at their wits end and want to give up; no matter what the situation is interns are there to talk and help them through it.

Today we had a training session; TheHopeLine is optional, it’s on a volunteer bases, but you wouldn’t know that with all the people that attended. It continues to blow my mind of how eager people at Teen Mania are to help, support, encourage and motivate.

The session was eye-opening; I would suggest everyone to take it if they could. The session wasn’t just about how to prevent a suicide, what to do when dealing with abuse or drug overdose; they didn’t give you skills just for these situations but for life – oh, the motto of the Honor Academy.

They taught you skills of how to get details, how to think rationally and how to bring Christ up in a conversation. TheHopeLine might be a help phone line for people who are hurting and of the “world” but it also shows them Christ’s love and opens them into a world of his saving grace.

I’m defiantly getting more out of the Honor Academy then I ever thought: training, skills, love, support, knowledge, relationships and HOPE.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Life Transforming Event's

Life Transforming Events

‘Life Transforming Events (LTE) usually take place on Friday and Saturday, they will stretch and grow you spiritually, mentally, physically, and as well as emotionally. These events will teach you how to work as a team, as and individual, and most importantly, to depend on God. From these events you will learn lessons that you can take with you for the rest of your life.’
-Taken from Teen Mania’s Honor Academy Intern Handbook

LTE’s are meant to test you, push you to your edge and break you to the core. They help you realize that you cannot live your life without God’s help. LTE’s also help you overcome any hurdles that you might have inside yourself and help you become a stronger healthier you. E.S.O.A.L (Emotionally Stretching Opportunity of a Lifetime) takes place in about a week and half; and I am scared to death of it. E.S.O.A.L is the hardest LTE of the Honor Academy, but it is also the most favorite of past interns.

E.S.O.A.L is a 3-5 day event that can take place anytime within a 48 hour time period. You are not told when E.S.O.A.L starts and you are not told when it will end. You’re taken into the woods of the Teen Mania campus and are challenged mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually for the entire event time. You are given tasks of physical and mental endurance and are pushed to the point of breakage. Within this event, you are allowed to “ring-out” which states that you have had enough and can no longer be pushed; you are however not allowed to ring out for the first eight hours.

E.S.O.A.L strikes fear into many interns, including myself. We have been hearing rumors of past events and the tasks they were set to do – again, these are rumors (untrue) but they do scare us. The “what-if’s” and the fear of the unknown drive us insane. We don’t know what to expect or what to think, our imaginations run wild.

For the last three weeks, we have been training to get ready for E.S.O.A.L. Thus the reason for corporate everyday, once E.S.O.A.L is over we will end up doing it once a week until the new interns come in January and then we’ll train for the next biggest LTE. But that is another story and another blog; handle one LTE at a time.

Training for E.S.O.A.L has been rather rough; waking at early hours, doing countless sets of exercises and running miles all at once – it’s rather intense to throw yourself into if you’re not use to it. But it’s nothing compared to E.S.O.A.L. During E.S.O.A.L the commander will speak out random sets of an exercise and you have to do them instantly; no matter how tired, exhausted or sleepy you are, and you have to do them perfectly.

Did I mention that you will be sleep deprived while doing this? During the entire event of E.S.O.A.L you might get around three hours, four if you’re lucky of sleep. But you will not be doing this alone; you will have your company with you and your platoon.

A company has about 30-35 people in it, which are broken down into platoons, which have about 6-8 people. Our company name is “Virginia,” yes the state. We have to learn everything we can about Virginia because we will be tested on our knowledge of the state. That is just one of the many ways they test us mentally.

Ways we will be tested mentally during E.S.O.A.L: we have to memorize seven verses (in order), memorize the HA hymnal, memorize this grid they gave us, memorize our states song (our state has two), memorize any random information we can find about Virginia, come up with three concordances and memorize them, and finally but certainly not least – we have to find out as much information about our major, captain and lieutenant.

Not only do we have to give out random information and do sets on command but we will also have to be walking, running and marching for countless hours; in mud, water, concrete, sand and dirt. For the entire time of E.S.O.A.L we will be covered in dirt and mud. What a joy.

So recap: No sleep, walking, running, marching, exercise and memorization all nonstop for about 90 hours. Why am I doing this again? Not to mention the obstacle courses they put us through.

We had an alumni come and speak the first week we were here. They graduated the HA and went into the military, they said that E.S.O.A.L was harder then all of their training combined.

… Thank you, I feel all warm and fuzzy now…

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Wanting of My Soul

It truly is amazing what worship can do, how healing it can be. Being at HA, you really do get run down. You’re constantly moving, have classes and work to attend to, and are constantly being challenged to push yourself harder. It’s easy to get run down, tired, exhausted and drained. You don’t even realize how un-energized you are. You start to follow the motion and keep up, you loose you’re focus and try to just meet the standard.

Being at HA is harder then I could have imagined; and nothing could have gotten me ready for it. I find myself saying that over and over, only because it’s true. Once you think you can’t stand any more, you’re pushed to a higher level and you realize that you can handle more, that you can do more and that you are capable.

And yes, being stretched and pushed are amazing and grow you tremendously; but some times, you need down time and quiet time with God. And chapel is a precious and wonderful time for this. I was really starting to miss it. The first week at HA we had chapel multiple times a day and now we only have it once or twice a week. Worship truly is a time of healing and connecting with God.

I was having such a hard time; I was tired, exhausted and weak. I was fighting within myself and found it hard to be “strong” all the time. I found myself moving in the motions but not giving my all; I was drained. But those few short minutes in worship, made me realize once again why I’m here.

God brought me here for a reason, he has something great planned for my life and he brought me to HA for a purpose. I still haven’t been able to figure that out, but I know in time God will reveal it to me. I just have to be patient and not remove my eyes from the goal – Christ.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Prayer Power

Since I first arrived to the HA, I was amazed with how everyone acts around here. Going to a Christian high school, I have been surrounded by a “religious” school for a few years; but nothing would have prepared me for HA. Everyone is so open, caring, loving and supportive; they speak freely of God and worship him openly, they hold nothing back. It’s just so amazing to see people so rooted in Christ; being placed in an atmosphere like HA is too grand to express in words. And the friendships that you acquire – are irreplaceable.

Being here for only a short two weeks I have already made friendships that I know will be strong and positive. Knowing that you can sit next to someone and pour your heart to them, and they’ll just love you more for trusting them; is a feeling unbelieved.

It just blows my mind of how open people are here and how thoughtful they are. Groups of people come together, and pray for someone who is ill or going through a hard time. It’s amazing to see huddles of people all over praying for one another – indescribable.

We truly are a family, a little unit.