For the last week and half, I have literally been in limbo. With graduating from the HA and staying at Teen Mania for an additional two years to attend Center for Creative Media (CCM); it’s been an odd but refreshing transition.
Being one of two August’s in my core to stay was a frightening and challenging experience. Watching as everyone packed up their stuff, loaded cars and driving away to continue on the path that the Lord has for them; was devastating. I had been with these girls for a year – an entire year and now they are out of my daily life.
One of my roommates, I had literally spent the ENTIRE year with her. She was my roommate from Gauntlet week to the first and the second semesters, we were inseparable; and now she’s gone.
My best friends, my AP’s and my mentors left. And here I was left on a very empty campus to transfer into CCM by myself. I think that was the most frightening thing for me; transferring into CCM. The current classes at CCM have been together for almost two years, a year or half a year; and here I was moving into this tight knit family – I was terrified. But I knew and I know this is where God has placed me.
So biting my lip and mustering up ALL courage I could from the Lord, I picked up all my belongings and placed them on the truck that the CCM guys borrowed to transfer all our stuff. That was a week ago. And now, here I am in my HOUSE fully moved in and making lasting friendships (again).
The transition, truly was an LTE.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Super Powers!
The one thing I love the most about Gauntlet week, besides all the AMAZING sessions, is having worship several times a day. The School of Worship band is phenomenal! And who doesn’t love to worship the Lord?
Today was a special treat for me; I was able to sit with a big majority of my old family core at the evening session. Three brothers, two sisters and another core mate. Worship starts, some move into the side aisle, some move to the front; I stayed in the aisle with some of my family.
Everyone starts to sing, sway and worship with out hesitation. I have to admit, I get active when I worship; dance, sway, spin, and raise my hands. I wasn’t really paying attention; I had my eyes closed while I was singing. I had raised my hand in the air and than placed it out to my side and than brought it done to my side. As I did this, I accidentally hit the person next to me; I very slight hit their bottom.
I open my eyes, look at them a little horrified; they turn their head slightly towards me and give me a sly smile. I blush, smile innocently and than scoot over to the other side and continued to worship.
Oh yes, I can EVEN make worship awkward; ugh!
Today was a special treat for me; I was able to sit with a big majority of my old family core at the evening session. Three brothers, two sisters and another core mate. Worship starts, some move into the side aisle, some move to the front; I stayed in the aisle with some of my family.
Everyone starts to sing, sway and worship with out hesitation. I have to admit, I get active when I worship; dance, sway, spin, and raise my hands. I wasn’t really paying attention; I had my eyes closed while I was singing. I had raised my hand in the air and than placed it out to my side and than brought it done to my side. As I did this, I accidentally hit the person next to me; I very slight hit their bottom.
I open my eyes, look at them a little horrified; they turn their head slightly towards me and give me a sly smile. I blush, smile innocently and than scoot over to the other side and continued to worship.
Oh yes, I can EVEN make worship awkward; ugh!
Friday, August 14, 2009
August 2010
The new interns have arrived! After a weeks’ worth of finial preparation the new August class of 2010 have arrived on campus. It’s still odd to think that most of my August class has left and that I am now a graduate intern (GI). It’s been amazing to witness the growth and maturity that people have gained over the last week. The GI’s have truly super grown to be leaders.
Tonight, sitting in on the opening session of the new year, I was hit with the realization that last year I was in this exact same spot scarred out of my mind. I can remember, as if it was only last week, stepping off the ATF bus on the Teen Mania soil and instantly thinking that I had made a horrible mistake. Even at that early moment, the enemy was trying to get me to leave.
I remember placing my foot on the cement and instantly feeling something wasn’t right. I wanted to turn quickly, jump back on the bus and head back to the airport to go home. After the terrifying registration, long walk to the dorms and tasty dinner at the café, the opening session with Ron Luce was lost in thought with my negative thoughts, disbelieving heart and depression.
Tonight during worship, I stood to the right of the stage under the screen and the Lord spoke to me: “Look at where you are.” I opened my eyes and looked at the stage; I was at the front of the auditorium. “I’m at the front of the room Lord.” “Look behind you.” I turned around and saw hundreds of people behind me; some worshiping the Lord fully, others unsure and hesitating. “I see the new interns Lord.” “Look to the back.” My eyes wondered to the back of the room. “Do you remember when you stood there? You were in turmoil; you didn’t know if you should stay or leave.” As I looked to the back of the room, I remembered standing in the corner scared, unsure and filled with guilt & shame. “Look at what I brought you through! You are new, new and restored!” I smiled as tears came to my eyes as the Lord continued to minister to my heart.
It’s amazing to think of the change and restoration that’s happened in my life in this short year. So much has happened; it’s still hard to believe that a year has passed.
As I continued to stare behind me, memories of my first few days at the HA came back to me. I could remember and feel all the mixed feelings I had. The doubt, the fear, the wanting of acceptance, the guilt, the shame, the cracked heart I was trying to heal; everything came back like a flood - but not for me, for the new interns.
I had been in their spot little over a year ago, I knew how they were feeling, what they must have been thinking, and my heart went out to them. They know nothing of what they’re getting themselves into, but boy is the Lord going to reign in their lives!
My heart leaped for joy as the opening session ended and the new year had officially started. Can’t wait to see what the Lord has planned.
Tonight, sitting in on the opening session of the new year, I was hit with the realization that last year I was in this exact same spot scarred out of my mind. I can remember, as if it was only last week, stepping off the ATF bus on the Teen Mania soil and instantly thinking that I had made a horrible mistake. Even at that early moment, the enemy was trying to get me to leave.
I remember placing my foot on the cement and instantly feeling something wasn’t right. I wanted to turn quickly, jump back on the bus and head back to the airport to go home. After the terrifying registration, long walk to the dorms and tasty dinner at the café, the opening session with Ron Luce was lost in thought with my negative thoughts, disbelieving heart and depression.
Tonight during worship, I stood to the right of the stage under the screen and the Lord spoke to me: “Look at where you are.” I opened my eyes and looked at the stage; I was at the front of the auditorium. “I’m at the front of the room Lord.” “Look behind you.” I turned around and saw hundreds of people behind me; some worshiping the Lord fully, others unsure and hesitating. “I see the new interns Lord.” “Look to the back.” My eyes wondered to the back of the room. “Do you remember when you stood there? You were in turmoil; you didn’t know if you should stay or leave.” As I looked to the back of the room, I remembered standing in the corner scared, unsure and filled with guilt & shame. “Look at what I brought you through! You are new, new and restored!” I smiled as tears came to my eyes as the Lord continued to minister to my heart.
It’s amazing to think of the change and restoration that’s happened in my life in this short year. So much has happened; it’s still hard to believe that a year has passed.
As I continued to stare behind me, memories of my first few days at the HA came back to me. I could remember and feel all the mixed feelings I had. The doubt, the fear, the wanting of acceptance, the guilt, the shame, the cracked heart I was trying to heal; everything came back like a flood - but not for me, for the new interns.
I had been in their spot little over a year ago, I knew how they were feeling, what they must have been thinking, and my heart went out to them. They know nothing of what they’re getting themselves into, but boy is the Lord going to reign in their lives!
My heart leaped for joy as the opening session ended and the new year had officially started. Can’t wait to see what the Lord has planned.
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