Waiting.

You know those romantic comedies that usually have a main female character in her late 20’s/early 30’s and all she sees are couples, people getting married and babies. And throughout the whole movie she’s trying to find the ‘one’ so she can start ‘living her life’ and live ‘happily ever-after’ with two children running around in a backyard enclosed by a white picket-fence. Along the way funny/awkward moments happen and she usually grows as a person or learns something about herself. Then at the end she finds the ONE and either marries him or gets engaged, then the movie ends and you’re left to think: What happens next?

I’ve been feeling like that ’girl’ lately. Not that I’m heavily searching for the one, but everywhere I look I see people paired off, a lot of my friends/acquaintances are either getting engaged or married, and babies are popping out all around me. And all I can think of: Where are their lives going to go from here?

Right after I graduated from The Honor Academy, it seemed like everyone in my class quickly started to court, got engaged or got married. Now, of course it wasn’t everyone but it felt that way. Engagement pictures and wedding pictures popped up all over my Facebook feed. This happened for a couple of years. It died for a few months and then the ‘baby coming’ pictures started to show up on my feed. Again the announcements died, and then, here they come again! Wedding invitations and baby showers, it’s like a never ending wave of announcements being shoved in my face.

Now I’m not saying I’m not happy for these people or that I’m jealous in anyway, it’s just a lot to take in. And to be honest, I just don’t understand it. I know I wasn’t the ‘normal’ adolescent and I have had a lot of issues, but I can’t imagine myself getting married and having kids at the age I’m at now or was at when I graduated from The HA. And here people my age or younger having kids and getting married.

While at The HA, for one of the women sessions, a speaker talked to the group about living a full and happy single life. She said being an intern people are always talking about how great and wonderful married life would be, but why can’t single life be grand as well? She encouraged us to go out and see the world, experience new and exciting adventures, grow and discover who you are. She said being married is a wonderful thing, but that things do become difficult when you add a spouse or children to the mix.

That always stuck with me. With all the times I’ve moved since The HA, I can’t even imagine trying to do that with a spouse or children. Or all the crazy and spontaneous things I’ve done, I don’t think I could have done or experienced half of those things. A few times people have told me that they wished they could have done some of the things I’ve done, but they can’t because of relationships or circumstances. I feel blessed that I’ve been able to experience the things I’ve done.

I’ve had so much growth in my life overall and in my spiritual life since The HA. It was so hard and sometimes difficult going through the changes the Lord was making in my life. And to think I could have dragged others through all that muck with me, it wouldn’t have been fair.

So I’m waiting and living. I’m living my life and growing as a person. I’m waiting on the Lord to tell me I’m ‘ready’ for the next session of my life. And I’m praying that when the Lord does bring that ‘special person’ into my life, I’ll be ready for them - emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And I’m praying that ‘special person’ will be ready for me too.