TWO YEARS

I've attempted to write this post so many times. Every time I start, I can't find the right words to say what I feel or what's in my head. Because all the words and thoughts I have, aren't adequate. I don't know words that are sufficient for what I want to say.

I don't think there are words.

I’ve been anticipating writing this post for a few months. And now that the time is here, I’m hesitant, because I didn’t know if I’ll do it justice.

The beginning of September marked two years since I’ve been self-harm free.

It’s hard for me to form words to explain how that makes me feel. Honestly, I just want to cry. Because I am too overwhelmed with amazement to fathom the concept of two years self-harm free.

There are days where it feels longer. And then there’s days that seem like I just cut the day before or the hour before.

There are days where I feel strong enough to say “NO!” to the urge. And then there are days, where I’m saying “…no…” through quench teeth.

But there is always a next day; another day for me to fight. I might not always have the strength or power to fight. But I have the opportunity too, and the knowledge that I can.