Cycling

I’ve stated before on here, that I go through manic episodes of journaling/blogging.

I go through stages where I write everything out; all of my feelings, thoughts, emotions and actions. I document my entire day. By either writing or typing it out, or by taking pictures. That’s usually when I’m feeling ‘normal’, like myself.

Or when I’m ‘manic’, when I feel like my whole world is crumbling down around me. It’s the only thing that keeps me stable and centered.

But when I’m depressed, down and indifferent; I can’t be bothered by documenting my existence.

Lately, I haven’t been bothered to document my existence. But today, I had a manic episode, and the only thing I could seem to control was my hand to hold a pen to form words.

I wrote all of that, TODAY. Just today, I wrote 24 pages. And everything I wrote about, I hadn’t written about before. I don’t know if I became manic because I was keeping all this in, or because I was manic, I was finally forced to write everything out.

All I know is that I really need to stop these spurts of ‘on and off again’ writing. Writing is the only thing that grounds me. You’d think I would learn that by now and stop all of my cycling.