This is a Call Out

I remember when I first discovered this song; I thought it was my life to the 'T'. It's like Trevor himself wrote about me, as if I told him all the details of my life and my situation and he wrote it in a song for all to see. 

“She fooled all of her friends into thinking she's so strong,
But she still sleeps with the light on,
And she acts like it's all right on, as she smiles again.

Then her mother lies there sick with cancer,
And her friends don't understand her,
She's a question without answers, who feels like falling apart.
She knows, she's so much more than worthless,
She needs to find her purpose,
She wonders what she did to deserve this, and…”

Thousand Foot Krutch is my second favorite band (of all time). And this song is my second favorite song. I don't think I've ever actually stated either of these facts on this blog. If you've been reading my blog for any long length of time you would know what my favorite song it ('Wishesand Dreams') and who my favorite artist is (Stellar Kart), because I talk about them ALL the time. 

However, TFK has a very special place in my heart and in my life. A private/intimate place.

Whenever I'm going through a medium to difficult situation in my life, my first response is to turn TFK on. I don’t know how many times I’ve cried to myself and/or wrote journal entries with TFK blasting in my ears. I relate to so many of their songs, this song is just one of many songs I feel were taken from my journals.

I discovered TFK at my very first Acquire the Fire event. Ha ha, it really is quite funny how my life kind of revolves around ATF. Anywho, I had just started listening to Christian music and seeing TFK perform live on this huge stage with hundreds of people all around me and their music blaring through the speakers – something just clicked. After the concert I went to their table and I bought all the CD’s they had released at the time. I then went home and listened to their music NON-STOP.

This all happened a few months before my mom died.

I vividly remember sitting in the car, being driven home from school, Air1 playing on the car stereo when this song came through the speakers. Like I said in the beginning of this entry, it was my life to the very detail.

I had just started to self-harm, my mom was in the middle of her fight with pancreatic cancer, and I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling or thinking. I was so confused, lost and scared; and there was Trevor singing my story.

“She's calling out to you, this is a call; this is a call out,
'Cause every time I fall down, I reach out to you,
and I'm losing all control now, and my hazard signs are all out,
I'm asking you, to show me what this life is all about.

Have you ever felt this way before?
'cause I don't wanna hide here anymore.
Take me to the place where nothing's wrong, thanks for coming, shut the door.
They say someone out there sees us,
Well if you're real then save me Jesus,
'cause I've been this way for far too long.
I wasn't meant to feel alone.

Show me what this life is all about
Show me what this life is all about”

I played this song over and over and over. It became my anthem for a very long time; it became a part of me.

This is one of the songs that started my love affair with music.

Whenever I hear this song, I can’t help but remember this hard time in my life. But, I’m glad to say, that I no longer see it with pain and hurt.

God knew what He was doing. He placed me at that ATF, in that seat for a reason. He knew I would connect with TFK. He knew I would become obsessed with their music. And He knew that this song would be the rope I desperately needed to cling to. He knew that seed would get me through the hard years ahead of me.

He gave me a gift; a precious, life altering gift, that I will always be grateful for.

Song: "This is a Call" by Thousand Foot Krutch

Hold On, Small One

"Hold On, Small One"

by Loftland

Abandoned on the open water
Surrounded by the crashing waves
I shiver as the sky grows darker
And fear creeps up inside my veins
And now I can't help but wonder
How did I get in over my head
The ship and I are going under
But I can hear a voice that says

Hold on
Small one
I'm right beside you
When the storms they come
And all your hope is gone
You've got to
Hold on
Small one
I'll never leave you
When your world comes down
And when you come undone
Hold on

Washed up on a lonely shoreline
Surrounded by the sky and sand
I try but I can't build no shelter
And hope is slipping through my hands
Oh, I can't help but wonder
How did I get in over my head
I tremble at the coming thunder
But I can hear a voice that says

Hold on
Small one
I'm right beside you
When the storms they come
And all your hope is gone
You've got to
Hold on
Small one
I'll never leave you
When your world comes down
And when you come undone
Hold on

Your ship's going down
And you're going to drown
If you would just take my hand
I'd pull you back out
You're never too far gone or too far out to sea
Your ship's going down
And you're going to drown
If you would just take my hand
I'd pull you back out
You're never too far gone or too far out of reach

Hold on
Small one
I'm right beside you
When the storms they come
And all your hope is gone
You've got to
Hold on
Small one
I'll never leave you
When your world comes down
And when you come undone
Hold on

(Abandoned on the open water)
(Surrounded by the crashing waves)
(I shiver as the sky grows darker)
(And fear creeps up inside my veins)

Natural Imbalance

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the doctors to get a check-up and the other day I went back to get my results. The tests came back fine and it turns out I’m pretty healthy. I know, shocker to a lot of people.

Any-who, I did have one result that was low and the doctor prescribed me medication to raise it. I got the prescription filled and as I was reading the little paper that came with it (what it is, what it does and what the side effects are) I laughed silently to myself.

Side effects: hair loss, increased sweating, sensitivity to heat, mental/mood changes, tiredness, diarrhea, shaking (tremor), headache and shortness of breath.

I have most of these “symptoms” on a daily basis (without taking anything). How in the world am I supposed to know if they’re being caused by the medication?!?

Oh, the natural imbalance of the human body. Gotta love it. Ha ha.