Don't Kill Yourself

It wasn't until I realized that my actions affected others, that I realized my actions were destructive. And it wasn't till I had a friend that was suicidal, that I realized how scary and unnerving it is to have someone close in such a dark place.

Things don't get easier, but you get stronger.

Hold on. Ask for help. You're not alone.


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SUICIDE HOTLINES
Albania: 127
Argentina: (54-11) 4758-2554
Australia: 13 11 14
Austria: 142
Barbados: (246) 4299999
Belgium: 106
Botswana: 3911270
Brazil: +55 51 211 2888
Canada - Greater Vancouver: 604-872-3311
Canada - Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast: 18666613311
Canada - TTY: 1-866-872-0113
Canada - BC-wide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
China: 0800-810-1117
China (Mobile/IP/extension users): 010-8295-1332
Croatia: (01) 4833-888
Cyprus: +357 77 77 72 67
Denmark: +45 70 201 201
Estonia (1): 126
Estonia (2): 127
Estonia (3): 646 6666
Fiji (1): 679 670565
Fiji (2): 679 674364
Finland: 01019-0071
France: (+33) (0)9 51 11 61 30
Germany (1): 0800 1110 111
Germany (2): 0800 1110 222
Germany (youth): 0800 1110 333
Ghana: 233 244 846 701
Greece: (0) 30 210 34 17 164
Hungary: (46) 323 888
India: 2549 7777
Ireland (1): +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90
Ireland (2): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92
Ireland (3): 1850 60 90 90
Ireland (4): 1850 60 90 91
Israel: 1201
Italy: 199 284 284
Japan (1): 03 5774 0992
Japan (2): 03 3498 0231
Kenya: +254 20 3000378/2051323
Liberia: 06534308
Lithuania: 8-800 2 8888
Malaysia (1): (063) 92850039
Malaysia (2): (063) 92850279
Malaysia (3): (063) 92850049
Malta: 179
Mauritius: (230) 800 93 93
Namibia: (09264) 61-232-221
Netherlands: 0900-0767
New Zealand (1): (09) 522 2999
New Zealand (2): 0800 111 777
Norway: +47 815 33 300
Papua New Guinea: 675 326 0011
Philippines: 02 -896 - 9191
Poland (1): +48 527 00 00
Poland (2): +48 89 92 88
Portugal: (808) 200 204
Samoa: 32000
Serbia: 32000
Singapore: 1800- 221 4444
South Africa: 0861 322 322
Sweden (1): 020 22 00 60
Sweden (2): 020 22 00 70
Switzerland: 143
Thailand: (02) 713-6793
Ukraine: 058
United Kingdom (1): 08457 909090
United Kingdom (2): +44 1603 611311
United Kingdom (3): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92
United Kingdom (4): 1850 60 90 90
United Kingdom (5): 1850 60 90 91
United States of America: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Zimbabwe (1): (263) 09 65000
Zimbabwe (2): 0800 9102

Just Say Jesus

"Just Say Jesus"

by 7eventh Time Down

Life gets tough, and times get hard
It's hard to find the truth in all the lies

If you're tired of wondering why
Your heart isn't healing
And nothing feels like home
Cause you're lost and alone just screaming at the sky

When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There is power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words won't come
Cause you're to afraid to pray
Just say Jesus

Whisper it now, or shout it out
However it comes out, He hears your cry
Out of nowhere He will come, you got to believe it
He will rescue you
Just call out to the Way, The Truth, The Light

When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There is power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words won't come
Cause you're to afraid to pray
There is just one name
Strong enough to save
There is just one name
There is just one name
Jesus

When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There's still power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words wont come
Cause you're to afraid to pray
If the words wont come
And you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus

John 13:7

Source.

Love You Forever

I remember one day, when I was in elementary school my mom came home and read me this book. My mom worked at another elementary school, where they were having a book fair and she discovered this book.

I don’t remember how many times my mom read this book to me. It’s countless. That book she brought home is now falling apart, has stains and marks all over it.

She loved that book. Every time a grand-child was born, she would buy the book, write an inscription to the child and then give it to the mom.

When I lived in Texas, I became extremely close to a friend and started calling her “mommy”. She’s a year younger than me, but she did and helped me with everything. When I moved from Texas, I went to the store bought her this book, wrote an inscription and gave it to her. When she opened the present she cried, because it was her favorite book too. I had no clue.

Shortly after my mom died, I gave my aunt the original book for safe keeping. I was moving around so much, I didn’t want it to get lost or even more destroyed. This is when I discovered that the book was my aunt’s favorite too. My aunt never knew how much my mom loved this book.

This year on the anniversary of my mom’s death, a group of my family gathered at my aunt’s house and we had a ‘story time’ reading of this book. It was such a powerful, meaningful and fulfilling moment.

I always say that my mom is still watching out and over me. I’ve been struggling a lot with changes happening in my life lately. Today I was cleaning out my grand-father’s closet when I stumbled across these beauties.

“I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
as long as I’m living
my baby you’ll be.”

My mom might not be living anymore, but I know she still loves and cares for me.

And that caries me on.

Faithfulness

TWO YEARS

I've attempted to write this post so many times. Every time I start, I can't find the right words to say what I feel or what's in my head. Because all the words and thoughts I have, aren't adequate. I don't know words that are sufficient for what I want to say.

I don't think there are words.

I’ve been anticipating writing this post for a few months. And now that the time is here, I’m hesitant, because I didn’t know if I’ll do it justice.

The beginning of September marked two years since I’ve been self-harm free.

It’s hard for me to form words to explain how that makes me feel. Honestly, I just want to cry. Because I am too overwhelmed with amazement to fathom the concept of two years self-harm free.

There are days where it feels longer. And then there’s days that seem like I just cut the day before or the hour before.

There are days where I feel strong enough to say “NO!” to the urge. And then there are days, where I’m saying “…no…” through quench teeth.

But there is always a next day; another day for me to fight. I might not always have the strength or power to fight. But I have the opportunity too, and the knowledge that I can.

Deal Breakers

I love this video. I think sometimes we can get so focused on an end "result" when we're in romantic relationships that we forget that relationships take two people. And a good thriving romantic relationship takes two whole people on the same page.

Actually, any relationship takes two people being on the same page.

There's been a lot of family drama on Mr Grumpy's side the last few months and it's had me thinking a lot about a person's character and morals. If you don't like or line up with someone's character or morals, there's a big possibility there will be strife in that relationship.

I've come to realize that honor, integrity and respect mean a lot to me. These are my deal breakers.

What are your deal breakers for relationships?

Irony

I’ve been writing in a blog since 2004. When I first started writing, I bounced around a bit using different sites.  But I always made sure to save my entries. I never wanted to lose my thoughts, I knew they were important. At one point I gathered them all into one private blog.

The last few weeks, I’ve been digging through this old blog. It’s so weird to see the things I wrote about a few years ago. My obsession with Michael Rosenbaum, a bad break-up with a boyfriend, all my posts about depression and self-harm, concerts I’ve been to; so many memories I hardly remember now. But they’re all there. The good, the bad, the ugly and the heartbreaking – all of my memories kept in one safe and protected blog.

It’s so weird looking at them all, gathered liked that.

The first time I cut. The first time I burned myself. The turmoil of my mother’s passing. All my suicide attempts documented. How my heart broke over my first love.

It’s so strange to have my whole life in one place, in a mere 412 entries. Nine (9) years of life, you’d think there’d be more. That the posts would be longer, more detailed. But it’s not. It’s short, messy and to the point. Ironic isn’t it?