Matthew Warren

“According to the Orange County Register and media reports, Saddleback Church pastor Rick Warren released a statement to church members informing them that the youngest of his three children, Matthew Warren, 27, died on Friday—apparently due to suicide. Official sources indicate a self-inflicted gunshot wound Friday morning was the cause of death.”

-Source: Christianity Today

I’ve been staring at this article for hours, reading it over and over, and I have no idea how to express how I feel.

I feel so sad that a young life was taken. It breaks my heart that one of God’s children took his own life.

I know how it is to feel overwhelmed with all the emotions running around in your head. I know how much pain comes from drowning in your own depression. I know the wanting to leave all your hurt and pain behind so that you can just breathe. And I know how it feels to wish that you were dead instead of alive.

And I know how hard and conflicting it is to know the Truth, to know God and yet still feel so alone, lost and confused. It’s hard to be a Christian dealing with depression and have thoughts of suicide. It’s so hard to be active in a church and do ‘God’s work’ when you feel like the pain will never leave you. When the enemy just want let you go. And no matter how hard you fight and claw your way up, you feel like you never get to the Light.

My heart breaks for Matthew and the Warren family. And my prayers are with them.

I empathize with Matthew. I know his pain and his longing to be free. I know these feeling oh so well.

And I thank God that I was able to overcome these thoughts, feelings and desires. I thank God with every fiber that I am that my suicide attempts didn’t work. My soul praises God endlessly that He set it free.

I feel horrible that Matthew couldn’t find the peace that I have been able to find. It hurts me, that Matthew couldn’t battle the enemy any longer.

Through Matthew’s death, it encourages me to continue to move forward. I will live, even more, for him.

The enemy will not win.

Love, will save the day.