True Healing

Went to theophostic prayer for the first time today; I was nervous and scared, but I couldn’t wait to start. I want a change, I want a change in me to be made so that I can flourish and grow and not be like how I am. I don’t like how I am, I don’t like the way I think and feel and act. I dislike that way that my emotions and self mutilation runs my life. I want it to be gone.

So we walked in (Camilla, Evelyn and I) and met Sherrie. She was a nice, friendly southern bell. She reminded me a lot like Lesli, with her wording and phrasing; it was comforting. I signed papers and read a lot and then we started the session.

So we sit in the chairs, get comfortable and then she smiles and looks at me: “Where should we start?” I looked at her with wide eyes, a heavy heart and urgency in my spirit – Devon. I briefly explained Devon and the situation. We then went back in time and focused on a memory, a memory of me being a little girl in pre-school and a little boy giving me attention.

I think of that memory every now and then, I didn’t think it held any power though. I didn’t think that memory could hold lies, deceit and affect my daily life; but it did.

We asked the Lord to come into the situation and to reveal truth to me. It was amazing. I could see myself sitting in His lap, His arms wrapped around me and just loving on me. He kept kissing my forehead and hugging me tight. At one point the Lord was playing with me. Another memory sprouted off the pre-school memory.

I had seen the little boy once after pre-school at a store and I hid from him. I didn’t want him to see me or recognize me. The Lord came into that memory and said: “Boo! I see you. You don’t need to hide from me.” It was sweet and gentle. The Lord just kept playing ‘hide-and-seek’ with me; ha ha, you’ve never lived until you’ve played hide-and-seek with the Lord.

At one point, Sherrie asked the Lord if I was important. We were still focused on the ‘I love you’ part, after a while I asked the Lord myself if He thought I was important. At that moment, the thought of ‘No’ instantly filled my head. Before the ‘O’ was said the Lord sternly said: “Satan go away, you have no ground here.” And the thought was gone. The Lord then said: “Protected. You are protected.” It was amazing; absolutely amazing to know that the lord fights for me – for you.

Can’t wait for my next session.

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What I learned from the session:
The Lord spoke to me that I was precious and that he loved me. He kept repeating over and over: “I love you.” The Lord said I was protected, that He always protects me. And that I’m misunderstood but that He understands me.

Passion.

The Lord showed this to me in a vision.

There was a time period where the Lord was speaking a lot to me in visions of hearts; basically, my heart in different stages of growth.

One day during worship, I got this vision of a heart jumping up and down with a speaker built in playing music. The heart was worshiping the Lord.

My passion is music. My passion is to worship the Lord fully.

Abandon.

The Lord showed this to me in a vision.

There was a time period where the Lord was speaking a lot to me in visions of hearts; basically, my heart in different stages of growth.

During worship, the Lord reveled to me that I needed to abandon my past loves. I needed to get rid and abandon everything that I use to love, like and that consumed my life. I needed to forsake my old heart and walk down the path to the renewing river to be cleansed and purified.