I'm A Christian

I went to the market today, and while I was pushing my basket around I accidentally hit an older women’s basket.

“Oh my gosh! I am so sorry; I didn’t mean to hit you.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I forgive you. I’m a Christian, that’s what we’re supposed to do. Forgive.”

She said this with no hesitation. It just flowed from her mouth. She said it with such humility. After our interaction, I continued on with my shopping, but at one point I had to stop and really process what just happened. It took me back for a few minutes. Her simple words convicted me, instantly.

‘I’m a Christian’; she said it without even thinking. Nothing (really) prompt it. She didn’t try to “preach” at me or “save” me. She didn’t expect anything from me.

I’m a Christian. And I believe her.

I hope to one day get to the point of where she is. To be so open, free and god-fearing that I proclaim my salvation and deliverance without even blinking.

Fire-Flies

I've been feeling like there are so many people I know that are dying lately. I mean, I might not know them "know" them. I guess I should say, I know "of" them... Still, a lot of young amazing people are dying and it isn't RIGHT!

A few months ago, an amazing drummer died of cancer - Chase Lovelace was only 24 years old. I had met Chase a handful of times, he was such a happy, joyful spirit and MAN! did he play the drums wickedly. He played in a few of my favorite bands (that's how I knew him) Pillar, Stars Go Dim and Superchick.

In the beginning of last week Talia Joy Castellano died at the age of 13, from cancer. She had been fighting the good fight since she was seven! Instead of wearing wigs to cover her bald head (because of the chemo) she became a master of make-up and made tutorials on YouTube (how I found out about her) showing people how to do their make-up flawlessly.Make up was her wig.

This past weekend a Simmer (gamer) on YouTube died at the age of 25 years old. Quxxn, had had lung problems for many years. She went in for an operation, got an infection and then her body had enough and she died.

And let's not forget about Matthew Warren who was 27 years old when he took his own life a few months ago. He had been struggling with depression and suicide for years. 

This breaks my heart so much. The enemy is working over time, crushing out shinning stars before they get too bright. And it makes me so angry! How dare he do that! Taking out God's children, like it's nothing!

And then, I think about myself (cause I'm selfish like that), and how I have thoughts of suicide and how I make plans to take my own life. And that little God voice chimes in and is like: "Their life is important enough for you to get angry and upset about because it ended so short - but yours isn't?"

And I instantly feel convicted. Why is it others lives are important to me, but mine isn't? Why am I able to get angry, upset and pray for others that are getting messed with by the enemy, but I can't do that for myself? Why do I see others as shinning stars and I see myself as a black-hole? Why is it so easy for me to love others, but I can't love myself?

Yes -  I am angry. I am angry at the enemy for taking young lives too early and for messing with my mind. I'm angry at the enemy for not only killing people physically, but also emotinally and spiritually.

I'm angry at the enemy, and it's time I do something about it.

Hungry?

The Hunger Games came out on DVD yesterday. I wasn’t able to see it in the theatres. I desperately want to see this movie. Saturday (yesterday) I drove to almost all the RedBox’s in my area to find the movie, but by the time I got there it was gone. Today (Sunday) again, I drove to different RedBox’s to get the movie, but once I got there the movie was gone. I was starting to get a little frustrated. I opened the RedBox app on my iPhone and once again checked to see what kiosk’s had the movie.

‘The market across the street, I can totally get that one!’ I hopped in my car, drove to the market and rushed inside. As I turned the corner to the RedBox there was a man standing at the kiosk, he hit The Hunger Games icon and started to read the description.

‘Please don’t let that be the only one in the box.’ I wished into the atmosphere. He stood there for a minute reading the description as I became more anxious. ‘No. NO! Don’t get the movie. DON’T GET THE MOVIE!’ I pleaded with my mind. He then hit ‘add to cart,’ paid for the movie and walked away. I walked up to the box, hit the button to see what was inside and The Hunger Games was no longer available.

Once home I sat in the car and laughed to myself over the random circumstances. “It was right there. RIGHT THERE! I saw it and then it was gone!” I said out loud to my empty car. “I never see you this worked up when you miss church. ‘I could have gotten healed. But I missed the service. Dang it!’ or ‘Lord I could have had an amazing encounter with you but I chose not to. I was so foolish!’” I felt God mocking me and teaching me a lesson at the same time.

That’s how things usually work, isn’t it? We get angry and upset over not getting physical/earthly things. But who cares about the spiritual gifts from God that pass over our head? The thought never crosses our mind that we should be upset.

How many gifts do we pass up on a daily basis? Imagine, God has this life changing miracle for us but we decided that we don’t want to follow Him and head in a different direction. It’s Sunday morning and we stay in bed instead of going to church. And we lose the opportunity to be prayed over to break the hardship we’re struggling with.

I don’t want to imagine how many times I’ve passed up God or His gifts for me. But I know I am going to try and be more observant of what I could be passing up.

...grace

I’m starting over - again.

How many times do I need to learn this lesson? It would be different if this was the first time I had to deal with this issue. It would even be understandable if this was the second time. But after the fourth or fifth time, this is just plain stupidity.

So here I am, attempting to relearn this lesson again and I feel so ashamed. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, sad, angry, and overall – alone.

While looking at this issue, yet again, it’s really sinking in of how selfish I am. How self absorbed I am. How needy I am. How deceitful I am. And how much I need to let God take this away.

So, why is it so hard for me to learn this lesson?
Why is it hard for me to let this issue go?
Why can’t I let God in?

The funny thing is; I know the root to all these questions: I don’t want to let it go. I refuse to let it go. I want it. I will fight to keep it.

For some odd reason I still believe in the lie truth that this issue gives me value. That it will fulfill my needs. That it makes me special.

No matter how much my mind knows that all these statements are false, my heart still believes they’re true. Until I allow God to erase these lie truth’s from my heart I will continue to deal with this issue.

I know the solution seems simple: allow God to fix you. But lie truth’s are tricky. They install themselves into you so deep that you will run from anything that contradicts them.

Plus, there’s another lie truth that’s mixed into this beautiful web of displeasure: I cannot trust God. No matter how much my heart knows this is not true, my mind still believes it is.


So here I sit, typing in anguish and continue to relive this lesson… God give me grace.

Oh, Marty - People Watchin.

Marty’s List:
Fix Trunk
Speed Odometer
Heater

Marty’s list is getting shorter, so that’s a good thing – especially now that Marty is safe and no longer in danger.

The last four days have been rather interesting, without wanting to go any faster than 40-45mph I wasn’t making too many friends on the road. I never realized how impatient people are, how fast people drive and I gained compassion for older people who drive slowly.

Here I was driving down the road enjoying the scenery, listening to music and driving 40mph; I was enjoying life and soaking in the fact that I can now drive myself. And behind me are 3-4 angry cars; honking, hitting their sterling wheels, and riding Marty’s tail – these cars were in a hurry and were upset with me driving so slowly.

It really made me think; A) how often do we pass up moments to just soak in our surroundings and praise God for the things he’s created, B) how often do we feel like we’re more important than someone else and C) how often do we pass people by because they’re being an inconvenience to us.

I’m guilty of all these things.

I always focus on the task at hand, the situation or the problem and I fail to sit back and look towards God. I forget that’s he’s in control and not me. I pass moments to sit in the presence of the Lord, I pass moments of sitting & chatting with friends, I pass moments of growth and all because I’m focused on the final destination.

It up-sets me when someone at work comes in late for their shift, because I have to stay later than I planned. It irritates me when I’m closing down the store and someone comes in right before I’m about to lock the doors and now I have to wait and serve them. It frustrates me when someone doesn’t answer my text right away when I’m trying to find information out.

Sometimes I avoid people at church because I don’t have the time or don’t want to hear their problems and drama. Sometimes I’m short with customers because I know if I get them talking they’ll never shut up. I only call certain people every so often because I don’t want them in my life.

For me, all of these things are ‘people’ surrounded. I’m a people person. I love to help and serve. I love to encourage and lift up. I love people. But, when I look at the ways of how I blow people off or how I avoid certain people; it breaks my heart. How can I love people so much but leave out the ones I deem as an ‘inconvenience.’

How can I pass people by so effortlessly?

Yes, people were passing Marty and I by, but it didn’t bother us. We were happy and enjoying life. But how many people do they, do I, do you, pass by that aren’t having a good time, who aren’t having a good day, who needs a friend and someone to talk to.


How often do we pass people by who need us the most?
Who’s been an inconvenience lately?
What needs to happen until you need or are forced to slow down?
$300 slowed me down. How about you?


Oh Marty; we'll get through this adventure of life together.

How Selfish Are We?

I don’t know how to explain what I saw this morning. I don’t know how to describe the scene I witnessed. I can’t even fathom trying to sketch it out. I found myself in a place; I never would have dreamed. The sight I saw brought tears to my eyes and muffled-screams to my throat. The sight I witnessed brought shouts of joy to my lips and raised excitement in my soul. The moment I witnessed, the precious moment I saw; lasted but seconds for me, minutes in reality and lives on in eternity.

And oh, how quickly we pass it by. We walk by it daily and give no thought to the ultimate sacrifice. We take advantage and scoot on by. We lose our focus, and don’t see the salvation in front of our eyes! How blind are we?

How self absorbed, egotistical, idolizing, greedy children we are. How can we not see, not see the ultimate love spilled out onto us. We stand in the presence of the Holy, because of this one precious moment; we live in the moment everyday and we don’t notice it!

How selfish are we, to think we matter more.
How selfish are we, to hold back and bottle up.
How selfish are we, to want EVERYTHING instant – we don’t want to wait.

Yet, we put that moment on hold. We put that precious moment on the back burner and only peep at it when we oh so desire to.

How selfish are we, how selfish are we to not just sit and wait; wait and see.

How selfish are we?

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16 (New International Version)

Have you Forgotten How to Be Sorry?

"Conviction of sin is one of the rarest things that ever strikes a man. It is the threshold of an understanding of God. Jesus Christ said that when the Holy Spirit came He would convict of sin, and when the Holy Spirit rouses a man's conscience and brings him into the presence of God, it is not his relationship with men that bothers him, but his relationship with God--against Thee, Thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Thy sight. Conviction of sin, the marvel of forgiveness, and holiness are so interwoven that it is only the forgiven man who is the holy man, he proves he is forgiven by being the opposite to what he was, by God's grace. Repentance always brings a man to this point: I have sinned. The surest sign that God is at work is when a man says that and means it. Anything less than this is remorse for having made blunders, the reflex action of disgust at himself.

The entrance into the Kingdom is through the panging pains of repentance crashing into a man's respectable goodness; then the Holy Ghost, Who produces these agonies, begins the formation of the Son of God in the life. The new life will manifest itself in conscious repentance and unconscious holiness, never the other way about. The bedrock of Christianity is repentance. Strictly speaking, a man cannot repent when he chooses; repentance is a gift of God. The old Puritans used to pray for the gift of tears. If ever you cease to know the virtue of repentance, you are in darkness. Examine yourself and see if you have forgotten how to be sorry." -Oswald Chambers

Waiting.

Clickity clack.
Clickity clack.
Listen. Listen to the warning.
Do you hear it?
Hear the screams, the sirens, the racing heart beat.
Do you hear the acceleration of the present?

Listen.
Listen with your heart.

It's coming. It's coming.
Are you listening?


You're not ready.

SUBMIT

Submit to God.
Submit.
Submit to God.
Be under submition.

Is that why I've been having such a hard time? Because I don't want to submit to the Lord. I would rather be my own master. I would rather rely on myself than someone or something else. I don't know why, cause I'm not very reliable, don't you think I would want to trust, rely and follow someone who is never wrong.

I think I found an important key today in my devotional. I want to be in control, even if I give that control away, I want to be in control of me. I'm unwilling to let the Lord run my life because that would mean I'm not in control. I would have to submit to him and his loving, caring and all knowing goodness. 

How foolish.  

R2D2

How often do we say words that we don't mean? We might mean them to be true. Our hearts might be honest in speaking words of hope, love, care and encouragement; but how often do we say words without thinking? We say cliches and phrases; things that have become automatic to us. "How are you?" "God Bless." "Love you." But our heart and love is truly not behind the words we say. Our minds and hearts do not connect.

We have become robotic.  

Calling.

I was writing in my journal one day. I was asking God to give me visions of Him and of what He desired. As I was writing I started to doodle a little sheep. The Lord called me His sheep.

Sheep aren’t very smart. Sheep rely heavily on their owners. Like any living animal, sheep need to be taken care of: feed, washed, protected, lead, etc.

The Lord was calling me His sheep. He watches over me, He provides for me, and He loves me.

As I started to doodle this sheep, the one sheep turned into two sheep, the two sheep turned into a heard, and the heard turned into a pasture. As I was drawing this out, the Lord kept speaking to my heart that He calls us all to be His sheep. But that many of us get distracted by sheep things (eating, grass, flowers, butterflies, etc.) and that we miss His call to us.

Sheep need to be lead, they need to be directed on where to go, how to get there and how long to stay. The Lord calls us to a place, He calls us to act or react in a certain way, and sometimes, He calls us to speak prophetic words.

As I continued to draw this picture, there were five sheep in a pasture. Four out of the five sheep were busy eating as the fifth one was looking up. The fifth one heard its call and was paying attention; while the others were too distracted to notice anything.

How many times are we the sheep that are too busy or distracted to hear when the Lord calls?

View original drawing here.

Lie Truth

[[Need to turn volume WAY up, during the talking part. And put sound down for the music part... hehe.]]

So after a week of recording, re-recording and more re-recording here’s my finial video for “Lie Truths.”

“And you will know the truth. And the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32

Picture of Lie Truth's.
Blog about Lie Truth's.

Song in video, What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road.

Lie Truth

“And you will know the truth. And the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32

There’s lies that have been told to us our whole lives, and because we have heard them so much, they have become true to us. These lie truths take bondage over us and hinder us from full growth.

Once we understand what is truly true about us & who we are and accept the real truths, we will be set free from that bondage and fully feel freedom.

Blog about Lie Truth's.
Video about Lie Truth's.