Saturday, February 22, 2014

Cut It Off

I’ve been kind of down the last few days. I wouldn’t call it depression, just a little sad. It feels like a cloud is blocking my sun.

When I first started feeling this way, I allowed the emotions to lead me. It wasn’t drowning, so I figured I was fine – right? But then it hit me, the enemy was testing my shield. He’s looking and searching for a way to break into my mind and rip me to shreds (Matthew 12:43-45).

I could almost feel my shield being poked and pushed in. I instantly quoted Isaiah 53:5:
“But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.”

And Leviticus 12:8c:
“And the priest shall make atonement for her, and she shall be clean”.

Then slowly, I felt the cloud pull away from my sun and I felt peace.

Sometimes we get so use to things being ‘just a little bad’ that it doesn’t bother us. But then the enemy adds a little on top of that, until it becomes part of the pile. And the next thing we know, our ‘little’ is a huge mountain that we have no idea how it got there.

I finally took a stand today, and stopped the sadness before it got worse (Mark 9:42-44).

One small victory; one huge step in the right direction.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Mona to the Rescue!

Yesterday, after church, me and a group of friends thought it would be fun to go to the park and have a picnic. We planned it pot-luck style and we all brought something to contribute. We got to the park, pulled out our bountiful feast and had a great time of fellowship.

After church I rushed home to change, I grabbed everything I was supposed to bring and I put Mona on her harness to take with me to the park. A friend suggested I bring the dogs so we could play with them after we were done eating, but after some thought I knew this would be more trouble than fun.

With Mona being trained with sitting in the stroller, I took her along knowing she would be manageable. I got to the park, pulled all my stuff out of the trunk and threw Mona into the stroller. She was fine once I opened the netting so she could look around at all of us, and of course after she was fed.

After our picnic we packed everything up and decided we would play a makeshift game of four-square. Now, why did I think playing a game that involved a bouncing ball and me having to semi go after it would be a good idea – I have no clue? I should also mention that I was wearing flip-flops.

The friend across from me in the square threw the ball at me but it went too far to my left. I had to semi run/jog to get the ball. When I did this, my left foot hit a slick part of the side walk and shot out in front of me.  With the momentum of my stride I fell straight down onto my butt.

One second I was up right and the next I was sitting on the floor, it all happened so fast! As soon as my bottom hit the floor I burst into laughter. It was just too funny, another ‘only Stella could do that’ moment.

I sat on the ground for a couple of seconds, getting my barring’s. I turned to my right to see one of my friends laughing so hard that they were actually hunched over. I then turned to my left to propel myself up and get back on my feet; when all of a sudden I see Mona flying through the air. No lie, she literally hung in the air for a good foot and a half. She then landed on the concrete and sprinted toward me.

I should also mention that the stroller has a built in leash that you’re supposed to connect your dog to so they can’t jump out, Mona was connected to this. So Mona is running to me at FULL speed, dragging the stroller behind her. She then slides to a stop next to my side and quickly starts to lick me and inspect my body to make sure I’m not hurt.

I find it humorous that the dog is the only one that ran to my rescue, while the three humans stood by laughing their heads off.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Train Me Up

Today at church, the pastor was teaching on how we need to be warriors. How we need to be warriors for God and how we need to go to battle to fight for God's people.

The pastor then touched the subject that if you're dealing/struggling with something that you can't shake, that the enemy just keeps coming at you, that probably means you're doing something right or that you're a priority to God.

"Why would the enemy send a foot solider to take out a general?"

And all I could think of was: "I'm the one with the red band!"

When I lived in Texas and was in the middle of my healing journey, I would sit in the church's prayer chapel and I would meditate on God. God would reveal things to me either in words or in pictures. One day God showed me a vision of me and the atmosphere around me. I had to draw it out.

"The heart represents the soul. The yellow represents God and the gray represents the enemy. The dark gray represents the strongholds the enemy still has. The light grey represents where the enemy has lost control. Sin is still there but it is no longer trapped. God can now go in and heal.

The demons split tail represents his indecisiveness; trying to make me doubt. The red band around his head means he’s one of the best. The notches in his band represent the lives he’s destroyed." - Posted on my Facebook; October 31, 2009

After I drew out the drawing, I wrote this on the back of the drawing. The next day I showed the drawing to my mentor and the pastor's wife. I had shared these types of drawings with them before. But this one was different. 

Most of the things I 'see', 'sense' or 'feel' have no real evidence of truth, and honestly, I don't fully believe 100% that they're from God. There's always the doubt that I do have that active of an imagination.

After I shared my drawing and the description of it, my mentor shared a story.

"It's interesting that you mention the red band. I heard a missionary share a story of a possessed man. He was acting crazy and causing havoc. The missionary talked to the demon and asked the demon why he was doing this. The demon replied with 'I'm the one with the red band'. The missionary said that the demon acted like the red band meant seniority." 

This was the first, and only, time something I've 'seen' has been confirmed. And it's always stuck with me.

The pastor then went on to say, that God gives us our calling but then sends us back to where we were before He gave us the calling. God might tell us our purpose, but doesn't always immediately put us to work in it. And that in those moment, God works in us to builds us up and trains us in order to fight.

The last few years, I haven't really been listening to God's voice. I haven't been meditating on Him or His words. I haven't been willing to listen to the words He tells me or to draw out visions He gives me. I've completely pulled away from my spiritual gifts.

It's no coincidence that a group I've been going to has been focusing on this the last few weeks. Working and nurturing your spiritual gifts. It's also no coincidence that this has been re-awakening them (my spiritual gifts). And, it's also far from a coincidence that this was the pastor's topic this morning. Or that I've become restless with my contentment. 

I think God's getting ready to bring me back into training again. I feel scared, because I don't know if I'm ready to battle. But it also gives me a breath of fresh air, because I'm tired of sitting still. 

I am a warrior. I am a fighter. I have a waring spirit and I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines. I'm TIRED of the enemy thinking he can push me or others around. 

I'm not ready for battle. But I am ready for training.