Chains, Not Necklaces

I spend a lot of time with my aunt, I love her dearly and she is one of the most important people in my life. We are similar in so many ways. We’re always on the same wave-link, but even with our same taste in toys, food and movies there’s so much that we differ in.

One day, I was hanging out with her and her granddaughter (my second cousin) when a conversation took place that I wasn’t comfortable with.

Cousin: 'Mommy says boys don’t wear necklaces'.
Aunt: 'That’s right. Girls wear necklaces and boys wear chains'.

How odd is it that we have to create a completely new word for an item that’s the exact same thing just so it can be gender specific?

And of course it would be taboo if the “chain” was thin and had a charm hanging from it; or had any decoration that might be considered “feminine”.

Why can’t a boy wear a necklace? Or play with a doll, wear a dress, paint their nails?

Little girls have a little more “creative” freedom. They can play with cars, action-figures, and play dress up in anything they want to. Because that “creativity” makes them stronger and more confidant. But if little boys play with "girl toys" or like the color pink, it makes them weak.

It saddens me that we live in a double standard world. That is FAR from changing.

You Are LOVED!

Mercy triumphs over judgement. What a powerful and life-changing concept - if we can accept it.

Sometimes that's the hardest part. It can be so hard for us to accept God's love and mercy. It's in His out stretched hand, all we have to do is grasp it and be dramatically changed.

I encourage you to watch this video and allow God's mercy, grace and love to dramatically change you.

Stop standing on your own, you don't have to any more.

The 27th Year

It’s so weird to think I’m turning 27 today. Not because I’m getting ‘older’, but because I never thought I’d live past my 21st birthday. I’ve lived six years more than I EVER thought I would.

There are so many moments where I tried to snuff out my light.

I should be dead.

I should have never woken up.

There was a time in my life, where I begged God to let me die. I couldn’t understand why He couldn’t just let me go.

The harder I tried, the tighter He gripped me.

I was so angry. I couldn’t see, I didn’t understand.

I’ve always felt alone and invisible. I’ve never thought that I’ve mattered.

But this last year, I’m starting to see a glimpse. A glimmer of what my purpose might possibly be.

I started making gaming videos and placed them on YouTube for others to see. I was hoping to make a friend or two.

Honestly, I was reaching; I was reaching for anything to keep myself stable. Something to distract myself, and to trick myself into thinking that I WASN’T wasting my life.

From a young age, I knew I was made for something bigger then myself. I just didn’t know what that something was. And over the years, I’ve really started to doubt myself. How can a girl like me, change the world?

I’ve defiantly made more than a friend or two, these last 8 months on YouTube. I’ve created this family of support, love and motivation. I could have NEVER imagined, posting short videos of me rambling incoherently could EVER make an impact. And I NEVER thought that making these videos would bring me healing.

I call my family, Fireflies. Small, bright lights of hope in the darkness. Who would have thought, that I would find my light posting gaming videos online? Who would have thought that ANYONE would have noticed my dimly lit light?

I had been posting videos online for a few months, when I almost threw in the towel. My Fireflies were calling out to me; they said I brightened their day, that they looked up to me and that I was changing their lives – it was too much for me to handle.

I had started to listen to the darkness.

You’re not worthy.

You’re worthless.

You’re damaged.

How can a depressed self-harming suicidal girl help anyone?

The darkness started closing in on me. Closer and closer. Tighter and tighter. The darkness was right.

I find myself looking back on my journal entries often when I’m searching.

So there I sat, in the middle of the night reading through my blog. And it all slowly started to click into place.

I’ve been through a lot in my life. I’ve overcome a lot in my life. I’ve fought and I’ve clawed myself out of the hole of death.

My destiny is not to die! My destiny is to LIVE! I am to live and to shine bright.

I AM A FIREFLY! Sure, I’ve made mistakes. Yes, I’ve done things I shouldn’t have. And I DO still struggle with depression. But that doesn’t mean that I’m stuck or that my light is covered.

I can share my thoughts. I can share my experiences. I can tell my stories and pour out my heart. I CAN help others! 

Even if the only reason I was placed on this Earth was to post short videos of me rambling incoherently to brighten others days.

THEN THANK GOD! Thank God I didn’t die. Thank God my prayers weren’t answered.

I’m a fighter!

I’m a firefly!

I’M ALIVE!

vlog: fetch

CAS Remix: Ruthie Butler & Star Cord

YouTube Description:
A re-stylization of two of my already made Sims, Ruthie (my mother Sim) and Star (my Sim self).

A couple of months ago, I made a CAS in memory of my mother on her birthday. Today is the anniversary of her death. Every year, I try to do happy things on these days so that I don't focus on the sad. This year has been difficult to do that, but thanks to you fireflies I feel like I can make it through the day.

I miss you Mami.

I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my Mami you'll be.

Since YouTube is the only form of creative-expression that I'm currently motivated to use, I decided that I would create a video to post on July 7th.

I kept racking my brain, trying to think of what I could do. However, the one thing that kept pushing through my thoughts was that I wished my mom was with me. So, I decided that I would make that happen (in a small way of course).

I created a photo-shoot for my Sim self and my Sim mother, I posed them in different ways and took pictures of them having a fun, happy and wonderful day at the park. It's weird how this brought me peace and calmed my spirit. But it did.

Love WILL save the day.

Happy Birthday Mami

Yesterday was my mami's birthday. Every year since her passing, I try to do something in remembrance on the day of her birth and on the day she passed. I want to do something happy and positive, and not focus on the negative.

So, meet Ruthie Butler! I made a Create-a-Sim (CAS) video on my YouTube gaming channel in memory of my mom.
 
Ruthie is a determined Sim who doesn't take smack from anyone. She's kind, friendly and always willing to help a Sim out. But, look out! She has a temper. Ruthie aspires to own and run the best restaurant that Sim creation has ever experienced. 

(Btw, I've started making 
gaming videos on YouTube. 
Check out my channel: BecauseShesStar)

Happy Risen Day!

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.” 

- Matthew 28:1-7

Air 1 Radio

One of my main resources for finding new music to listen to is Air 1. I've been an Air 1 listener since high school. With all my traveling, from here to there, I've always been able to find an Air 1 station to listen to. Air 1 has been a huge encouragement and motivator for me.

I can remember countless times, where I needed an answer from God and He spoke to me through the songs that Air 1 was playing at the time. When ever I feel lost, out of control, overwhelmed or want to give up; it's as if 'magic' that Air 1 plays the song I need at that exact moment to continue moving on.

Multiple times a year, Air 1 has a pledge drive to raise funds. They are a listener supported station, which means they don't play commercials. They continue to stay on the air-waves and play music because people donate money to keep them in business.

This week they're having their fall pledge drive. I've never been in a financially stable place to donate to them myself. But my hope is, to one day be able too.

To give to Air 1, go here. If you give now, 
when you make a $40 monthly pledge on the EZ Gift Plan,
 not only are you keeping Air 1 on the air, 
but you're also providing a new winter coat
 to a child through Operation Warm! 
Check out their heart-warming ministry here.

Don't Kill Yourself

It wasn't until I realized that my actions affected others, that I realized my actions were destructive. And it wasn't till I had a friend that was suicidal, that I realized how scary and unnerving it is to have someone close in such a dark place.

Things don't get easier, but you get stronger.

Hold on. Ask for help. You're not alone.


-----

SUICIDE HOTLINES
Albania: 127
Argentina: (54-11) 4758-2554
Australia: 13 11 14
Austria: 142
Barbados: (246) 4299999
Belgium: 106
Botswana: 3911270
Brazil: +55 51 211 2888
Canada - Greater Vancouver: 604-872-3311
Canada - Toll free-Howe Sound/Sunshine Coast: 18666613311
Canada - TTY: 1-866-872-0113
Canada - BC-wide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
China: 0800-810-1117
China (Mobile/IP/extension users): 010-8295-1332
Croatia: (01) 4833-888
Cyprus: +357 77 77 72 67
Denmark: +45 70 201 201
Estonia (1): 126
Estonia (2): 127
Estonia (3): 646 6666
Fiji (1): 679 670565
Fiji (2): 679 674364
Finland: 01019-0071
France: (+33) (0)9 51 11 61 30
Germany (1): 0800 1110 111
Germany (2): 0800 1110 222
Germany (youth): 0800 1110 333
Ghana: 233 244 846 701
Greece: (0) 30 210 34 17 164
Hungary: (46) 323 888
India: 2549 7777
Ireland (1): +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90
Ireland (2): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92
Ireland (3): 1850 60 90 90
Ireland (4): 1850 60 90 91
Israel: 1201
Italy: 199 284 284
Japan (1): 03 5774 0992
Japan (2): 03 3498 0231
Kenya: +254 20 3000378/2051323
Liberia: 06534308
Lithuania: 8-800 2 8888
Malaysia (1): (063) 92850039
Malaysia (2): (063) 92850279
Malaysia (3): (063) 92850049
Malta: 179
Mauritius: (230) 800 93 93
Namibia: (09264) 61-232-221
Netherlands: 0900-0767
New Zealand (1): (09) 522 2999
New Zealand (2): 0800 111 777
Norway: +47 815 33 300
Papua New Guinea: 675 326 0011
Philippines: 02 -896 - 9191
Poland (1): +48 527 00 00
Poland (2): +48 89 92 88
Portugal: (808) 200 204
Samoa: 32000
Serbia: 32000
Singapore: 1800- 221 4444
South Africa: 0861 322 322
Sweden (1): 020 22 00 60
Sweden (2): 020 22 00 70
Switzerland: 143
Thailand: (02) 713-6793
Ukraine: 058
United Kingdom (1): 08457 909090
United Kingdom (2): +44 1603 611311
United Kingdom (3): +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92
United Kingdom (4): 1850 60 90 90
United Kingdom (5): 1850 60 90 91
United States of America: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Zimbabwe (1): (263) 09 65000
Zimbabwe (2): 0800 9102

Faithfulness

Deal Breakers

I love this video. I think sometimes we can get so focused on an end "result" when we're in romantic relationships that we forget that relationships take two people. And a good thriving romantic relationship takes two whole people on the same page.

Actually, any relationship takes two people being on the same page.

There's been a lot of family drama on Mr Grumpy's side the last few months and it's had me thinking a lot about a person's character and morals. If you don't like or line up with someone's character or morals, there's a big possibility there will be strife in that relationship.

I've come to realize that honor, integrity and respect mean a lot to me. These are my deal breakers.

What are your deal breakers for relationships?

A Snail Tail

Source.

We all need a reminder sometimes to slowdown. Not only physically but also mentally. Sometimes we need to slow down our minds and realign our minds with what's really important to us.

THE FORGE

Source.

Tanya Lim committed suicide, leaving her little brother money to make a film. To bring creation from destruction, he made THE FORGE, an emotional, anti-suicide message in which a man battles his inner demon in a fight for his life.

For more information on THE FORGE check out ForAnybodyHurting.com.

Meet Joel

Joel was diagnosed with an Atypical Teratoid/ Rhamboid Tumor (AT/RT) in January of 2010. He had a surgery to remove the tumor and was undergoing 54 weeks of treatment including chemotherapy and radiation. In October of 2010, he had a tumor recurrence. Joel is 4 years old now. And has survived thanks to his family's faith and positive thinking. You can follow his story at: JoelEvangreen.com and HesNotDeadYet.com

 -Information and video taken from SoulPancake's YouTube channel.

The Move

Oh Marty... Video Edition

This video is part of my "Oh Marty" Blog series. Stories, adventures and trials that come along with owning a car.

"Shake the Dust"

Anis Mojgani performs Shake the Dust at HEAVY AND LIGHT.

Lie Truth

[[Need to turn volume WAY up, during the talking part. And put sound down for the music part... hehe.]]

So after a week of recording, re-recording and more re-recording here’s my finial video for “Lie Truths.”

“And you will know the truth. And the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32

Picture of Lie Truth's.
Blog about Lie Truth's.

Song in video, What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road.

Explanation of: “The Wall”

Made a video update of how I’m doing, what’s been happening in my life and explaining a drawing that I made.

~PS. - Need to turn volume WAY up... Sorry!

The drawing is called: “The Wall.”

View a picture of the drawing here.

I Want to NAW Off My Foot!

Many of you were making comments about me wanting to cause myself pain to relieve the pain from my foot.

So, here is my story about my foot.

Enjoy!