Harvert ALREADY!!

My ever changing life seems to be making yet another turn in a direction I couldn't see - in the dark. And now that I have my eyes slightly more focused I’m still just as confused and unsure.

I’m starting a new season in my life and after the summer I had, of emotional and mental turmoil, I was thrilled to see that the new season had started with promise. A new car, new found freedom, another move and the possibility of a new job; things seemed to finally be going well. And now here I am, sitting making tip-tap sounds on my computer feeling sad and alone.

I moved in with another family a few weeks ago. It seems the more I want to move back to Lindale, the further I move away from it. Now I’m living in Van, TX in a house I’m still trying to adjust to and missing the family I just became a part of. And now that the school year has started again, I’m seeing less and less of my friends that I become dependent on over the summer.

Thoughts from my past have been popping back in my mind lately. The sweet whispers of self-gratification, lust and death ring in my vulnerable ears. They linger in my confused mind causing my thoughts to summersault and my spirit to be on high alert reminding itself of God’s promises.

Sometimes, like now, it feels like all I have in this world is me and Thomas. That everyone around me has a purpose, a life, a journey – and I’m on the sidelines watching. Watching as I bounce around in stupidity and ignorance.

Seasons are hard - I wish the harvest would come already.