Envelope

I don't know how many times I've shared stories where I'm in desperate need of help or resolution, and instead of going to God first and asking for His guidance or help I rely on myself until I'm utterly desperate that I run to God as a last result. This, is NOT one of those stories. It's the quite opposite really.

A few weeks ago Mr Grumpy (my dad) lost a very important envelope in the house, he miss placed it somewhere. We looked (almost) everywhere for it. We looked for days, hours at a time. But it never showed up.

When Mr Grumpy first discovered that he miss placed it I went to the location where it was supposed to be, touched the place and prayed: "God, please help us find the envelope. Reveal to us where it is."

After I prayed the pray a location came to me. I went to the location, and nothing was there. I went back to the spot where it was supposed to be, prayed the prayer again and went to another location that came to me. Again, nothing. I went one last time back to the spot and prayed the prayer again - but this time I prayed with anger and annoyance. "Come on God! Just reveal to me where the envelope is! Just tell me!!"

I sat near the spot for a while, waiting and then the word towels entered my mind. I looked up into my dad's bathroom, behind the door is a cabinet where we keep all the towels. By this time I was pretty upset and annoyed. "AH!! Yeah right, it wouldn't be there." I got up and left. We continued to look for the envelope for a few more days, without any resolution.

Then one morning while Mr Grumpy was at work and I was in the kitchen, the Hoarder (dad's fiancé) enters the kitchen with a smile on her face.

"Guess what I found?"

I look at her, unsure. "Um...?"

"THE ENVELOPE!"

"You're kidding!? Where was it?"

"In the cabinet in your dad's bathroom. Under some of the towels."

I'm noticing a trend with me. I get extremely impatient with God. I want everything instantly and when I don't get what I want in my timing I throw a fit. And when I go to God about a certain issue multiple times, I get more and more angry at Him each time I have to go back.

This was a test, I see that now; I failed it miserably. God wanted to see how determined I would be to follow His guide. Apparently I'm not very determined.

I'm disappointed in myself. I didn't trust God and I didn't look in one more location He gave. But, I believe that God isn't. I don't think He see's it as a fail, I think He see's it as a lesson. I also believe that God knows I'm trying to become a better Christ follower. He knows my desire to become more like Him, more godly.

I have to remember that God knows my heart, even if my actions don't follow it; He knows I'm after Him.