Psychos...

Ice-Chest from the Sky

The House of El Means Hope

I’m a HUGE Superman fan. My obsession didn’t start until I was about 15 or 16 but when it did start it was crazy! Ha ha. I had Superman merchandise everywhere. My bed sheets and comforter had Superman and the symbol all over it. I had posters and action figures. I even had a lunch box and a back-pack. Books, movies, comics, clothing, lamps, pillows, you name it – I probably had it.

I was a little crazy, but that’s how I am. I’m either all in or not at all. Some extremes aren’t bad – right? Ha ha.

When the new Superman movie was announced I was super pumped! However, I was a little worried that the legend would be changed too dramatically. So I went to the theatre apprehensively, and ended up loving it. Yes, they changed a lot of things and it wasn’t exact to the legend, but they improved it instead of messing it up.

Jor-El to Kal-El (Clark Kent): “The symbol of the House of El means hope. Embodied within that hope is the fundamental belief the potential of every person to be a force for good.”

These lines stuck out to me so much. I always knew that the ‘S’ meant hope in Krypton, but to hear it in that way really resonated with me.

“The symbol of the House of El means hope.”

Man, that’s powerful. Don’t you think?

When I was in high school and I was going through my Superman extreme phase, I had that symbol everywhere around me. I was going through a hard time mentally and emotionally. And to realize that I had the symbol of ‘hope’ around me all the time, makes me believe even more that I’m being watched over.

“Embodied within that hope is the fundamental belief the potential of every person to be a force for good.”

Every person can be a force of good. Wow, I mean that’s a lot to live up to. It’s a heavy burden. However, it gives me something to aspire to. Even though I had a rough and tough time, I can still be good. I can still be a force to be reckoned with.

I always wanted to get a Superman tattoo, somewhere. And even though I’m a huge fan, I kept going back and forth with it – until now. The house of El means hope, and even though I’m not part of the house I can still take on the symbol. Because the house of El stands on the belief that everyone can do good.

And I believe I can do good, as long as I have hope.

I'm Not Alright

"I'm Not Alright"

By Sanctus Real

If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess

[Chorus:]
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to you
It leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
'Til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on.
 
'Cause honestly, I'm not that strong.
 
[Chorus]
And I'll move
And I'll move
And I'll move 
Closer to you [x3]
 
And I'll move
And I'll move
And I'll move
 
[Chorus:]
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
Broken inside
I'm broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through leads me to you
Leads me to you
 
I'm not alright
I'm not alright
I'm not alright
 
That's why I need you.

Breathing.

I found that I go through blogging/journaling spurts. I have moments in life where I feel like I need to document everything in my life. And then I go through other periods where I’m not even bothered to make any mark of my existence.

I feel like I have bipolar moments. Where I’m manic for a couple of days or weeks and then I’m so tired and drained where even breathing seems like too much effort.

Some days I feel like lying in bed for the rest of eternity and never move ever again. Other days, I have urges to pack my belongings and jump into Thomas and run away. Just leave everything I know, everyone I know and break all ties of who I am. I wish I could just drive into non-existence.

Is it wrong that both scenarios end with me just being? No feeling. No progression. Just an absent mind with no power of thought, in an unresponsive vessel of skin.

I’m at the point where my thoughts don’t scare me anymore. Is that bad? Is it wrong that I think of how I could die? I cultivate the ideas of getting into a car crash, getting a deadly illness of some sort, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Anyway to just “be.”

Father's Day

The last few weeks, I’ve been searching the Interwebs trying to find a cute and simple DIY Father’s Day Present. One of the first places I went to, to get inspired, was Pinterest – where I found this beauty.

I had never seen a candy bar poster/card before. As soon as I saw it, I knew this was the gift for me! Mr Grumpy doesn’t really eat candy, but he loves sweet breads and cookies. So I knew I wanted to tweak the idea and use cakes, cookies, pies and crackers instead of candy. I did throw some candy in, because I needed a few extra treats to fill my blank board.

I really love the way this turned out. I had no idea what I was going to draw, let alone what I was going to say! Ha ha, I basically went to the store and grabbed whatever looked good to me. I knew I wanted Chips-Ahoy & Animal cookies and an apple pie; but everything else just fell into place while I shopped. I work a lot like that actually. I just get an idea and run as fast as I can with it. Things work out for the most part… lol.

The first day of the project I went to the store and bought everything I needed, at the time I only bought one board. The next day when I put everything together I realized I needed another, so I had to go back to the store and get another one. Once I had all my treats, I created a story and then I typed it out on a Word Doc and printed it out in Landscape Mode at a 50 size font.

Dear poppy,
People say if life gives you lemons to make lemonade. But you were berry lucky and got animals instead! I become your pet goldfish. Stuck in a protective bowl and only allowed to swim in certain waters. To everyone else you're a lion but to me you're my teddy bear. As a kid, I had you wrapped around my finger- like a ring! I always got what I wanted like ice cream and popcorn! When I got older your protective eyes become like a chip on my shoulder and I know I must have driven you bananas. In time like all fish I have learned to swim in my own waters and do my own thing. But I will never swim too far away from you. You’ll always be the apple of my eye and my rock to stand on. Cheerio, Your runt Stella

The next day of the project I cut out all my words and I organized them on the board with the appropriate treats. The reason I typed my words out and then pasted them on is because I don’t like my handwriting and I thought this would look more clean and crisp. Once I organized the first board to the way I liked I then glued or taped everything down. And then I drew all the little pictures on. I used sharpies and I Goolged most of what I wanted for easy how-to’s of how to draw them.

The next day after that I had my second board and I just repeated what I did for the first board. After both the boards were done, I drew little arrows to direct you where to read next. I would recommend, if you know you’re going to use two boards to tape them together before you start to tape/glue your treats. It made it a little difficult to tape the back of the boards together and they weren’t very sturdy. I know if I hadn’t had the treats already in place I could have made this process easier. 

I really love the way this came out and Mr Grumpy really liked it too.

ICE-CREAM??!!

Mr. Grumpy asked me to take Sr. Grumpy to get his hair cut today. After the haircut I decided I'd go to Burger King to get us lunch. I asked Sr. Grumpy twice if he wanted ice-cream and he said no. However, as soon as the ice-cream passed through the drive-thru window and into the car guess who reached out for it?

It’s okay, I didn't really want it any way... ha ha. He ate the whole thing happily, and that's all that really matters.

My grandpa (Sr. Grumpy) has lived with us since I was about 6 years old. He has dementia, which has turned into Alzheimer as he’s gotten older. My father (Mr. Grumpy) is his primary care-giver and I’ve helped take care of him most of my life.

I don’t have any ‘normal’ memories of Sr. Grumpy. By normal, I mean I don’t have memories of him buying me presents, spoiling me with treats, taking me in car rides or teaching me life lessons. Like most people have of their grandparents. I’ve always taken care of him, instead of him taking care of me.

I have learned a lot from Sr. Grumpy. And even though I don’t have ‘normal’ memories with him, I do have unique ones. Like him stealing my ice-cream or us eating Christmas breakfast together this pass Christmas. How he use to curse my best friend out. How we say hello to each other the ‘Mexican way' for minutes at a time. And when he gets feisty he pretends to box with me.

I love Sr. Grumpy. He might be a handful, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I'm Here.

HELP!