I'm so Sick...

I’ve become depressed the last few days.

I’m ashamed of this sin that I’ve been committing for years in secret. I’m ashamed to talk to, communicate with and be around the people I’ve told. I know it was the right thing for me to tell people. It was the right thing for me to bring the sin out of the dark and into the light. I needed to tell someone that I was struggling so that I could get accountability. I need to end this.

But now I’m so ashamed. I’m so ashamed of everything I’ve done. I’m so ashamed of the things I’ve been a part of. The shame that comes from thinking or talking about this sin is so strong that I don’t want to deal with the pain. The shame has turned to pain. And I just don’t want to deal with it.

I don’t want to work through the issue because the shame from it is so strong.

It sickens me.

You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick
-"I'm So Sick" by FlyLeaf