After Care

After my first hospitalization I was sent to an outpatient group. One of the projects that you were required to do was to make a bored explaining who you were.

Some of the points you had to hit on were:
~friends
~family
~how you saw yourself
~how you wanted to improve
~and how you saw a “high power”


I broke my board into three pieces: Stella (bottom right), Star (upper left) and Stella Star (center). At this point in my life, I saw myself as three separate people. Stella was the person that I thought everyone wanted me to be. Star was the inner crazy-psychotic girl hiding in the closet. And Stella Star was who I wanted to be, a mixture and combination of the two.

Being true to myself, the board is full of mixed media (ribbon, pictures, clippings, songs, poems, etc). Clippings from Ignite Your Faith Magazine (no-longer published) is used greatly; this magazine meant a lot to me – so it was important that it made the board. Another important item that made the board was my mother’s memory flier handed out at her funeral (in the Stella section).

Looking at the board now I realize that in some aspects I’m still the same, but I have changed greatly. It’s amazing to see how much I’ve changed in four years. This board still means a lot to me, it was who I was and how I felt at that time. It’s a part of my history and I hope to never forget it.


Focusing on the "Star" section.

This section of the board was made black, to represent how I felt – lost, alone and in the dark. This section also has my “glass.” It’s the analogy of the glass half empty or full. I had the glass half full and then wrote words around it of what I wanted to fill it with. Things I wanted to do with my life to make it more full and joyful.


Focusing on the “Stella” section.

This section of the board was made pink, to represent joy and happiness – something I wasn’t feeling. By the way, I hate pink. This section of the board represented what I thought everyone wanted me to be. What I thought was expected of me. What I thought I had to be. But because I couldn’t be it, I pretended a lot. I tried my hardest to place this façade up of what “Stella” should be.


Focusing on the “Stella Star” section.

This section of the board was made purple, to represent my favorite color – to represent the real me. This section of the board holds a lot of my core being: music, art, writing, God and friends/family. This board also holds my “Todd corner.” Todd Hertz was a very influential tool in my life that the Lord used. Todd was the first person I opened up to and was my main mentor in my life for many years. In the middle of this section, is a printed out copy of the lyrics to “Wishes and Dreams” by Stellar Kart. A song that I still aspire to have a romance of.


To view more pictures of my After Care board you can go here.