Forsaken Fighter

During my undergrad year at Teen Mania, I found myself sitting in a field of grass, lying on a blanket, reading my Bible, praying and journaling. There I was, in the middle of God's creation and I doubted myself.

I doubted my life, my decisions. I was feeling remorse, shame and guilt. I was at a very low point. And then, God spoke to my heart. And He said, "Don't worry Fighter. Everything will be okay." And at that point, the Lord began to speak to me about how He created me to fight. My spirit is strong and fierce, I was created to fight, to war, and to win. It’s who I am.

At that point I began to write the word "Fighter" on my wrist. It was a daily reminder that that was who I was. That was what I was created to be and to do.

Fight.

Later in the year, I found myself struggling again. This time I felt as if the Lord had left me. That He just went away and I couldn't find Him. I felt lost, abandon and forsaken. After a long season of continual turmoil the Lord revealed to me, that I had turned away from Him. I had abandoned Him. I had Forsaken Him.

After this realization I learned as much as I could about abandonment and being Forsaken. I then began to write the word "Forsaken" on my wrist. To remind myself that I never want to forsake the Lord again and to pray for those you feel forsaken or have been.

Near the end of my time at Teen Mania, I was having a quiet time where I was journaling asking the Lord what I should do. I looked at my wrist and saw Forsaken. My heart ached. My heart was yearning to help those who were hurting and lost.

Then the Lord said "Fighter." I was confused at first and the Lord said it again, "Fighter, put it together." So, I pulled out my Sharpie, extended the 'F' and wrote 'ighter.'

Forsaken Fighter. It was as if God and I said it at the same time. I stared at my wrist and what I had just written. I was in shock. I sat in my chair stunned.

Then the Lord very slowly started to reveal to me that He was calling me to Fight for the Forsaken. I am called to stand up for those who have been 'demeaned' useless, worthless, and unimportant. I am to help in fighting for those that the world has forsaken. I was created to fight for these people who have been hurt, wounded and forsaken by the world. I will love these people. I will comfort them. And I will help them.

But, I'm not only a fighter for the forsaken; I was also a fighter who was forsaken. I was demeaned a lost cause. I was told that I was un-helpable. I was beaten, abused, and almost destroyed. But because of the Fighter spirit in me - I lived.

Once I absorbed as much of this as I could, in one sitting, I stared at my wrist. Could I really do and be what God just revealed to me? Could I really fight and help those that have been thrown away and hurt? Could I, actually be - a Forsaken Fighter?

After this little quiet time, I began to write Forsaken Fighter on my wrist. To remind myself of whom I am. And what I hope to become.

Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

For my 23rd birthday, I tattooed Forsaken Fighter onto my wrist. It's a permanent reminder of who I am and what I want to become.

It's also a proclamation to God and against the enemy.