"I don't have your back?"

I admit it, I'm one of "those Christian's" who says that God's in control and prays for God's will but at the first sign of trouble quickly throws prayer and godly vibes out the window to gain control.

I'm a HORRIBLY paranoid person. I'm always afraid something is going to happen or that I'm going to lose something important or I'm going to offend someone so badly they're never going to talk to me again. I struggle a lot with paranoia. So this has me praying - a LOT. Thomas has to be one of the most prayed over cars in the world. And who knows how many angels I have protecting myself and my belongings.

Because I'm afraid of leaving my purse in a locker at work, I carry a different work wallet with me when I'm a work. It's a little ID holder that holds my team member card, a debit card and my ID. I'm usually really careful with it because I'm so paranoid that I'll lose it and someone might use my debit card.

After working Christmas Eve, I emptied my pockets placing my ID holder and keys on top of Thomas and placed everything else inside. I then grabbed my keys, got in and drove home. It wasn't till later that evening when I noticed that my ID holder was missing.

I frantically searched my work pants, the top of my dresser and Thomas trying to find it - but it didn't show up. And that's when I remembered that I placed it on top of Thomas and must have left it there.

I instantly became enraged.

"How could you let this happen God?!"
"Why didn't you remind me about the ID holder??"
"Why can't you just have it appear? I know you can do it!"
"Why don't you ever help me?!"

I was so upset and knew it had to be somewhere in the parking lot. But by this time it was dark, late and I knew cops would be out patrolling and I didn't want to take the chance of getting caught without an ID (paranoid).

So all Christmas Eve night I prayed for protection over my ID holder and continually checked my debt account online to see if it was used. I couldn't go Christmas Day to see if anyone had turned in my ID holder. And the 26th I went to the valley for a family emergency.

So here I go the 27th still panicking and praying for my ID holder as I go to work to see if anyone had turned it in. And someone had. Apparently the ID holder fell off of Thomas somewhere in the Lowe’s parking lot; someone found it and turned it in to the manager – mid-Christmas Eve

After I got my ID holder back, I thanked the manager, sent the nice stranger good vibes and then I hoped in my car, ran some errands and started my way home. As I’m sitting in the car, waiting for the train to pass, I start to think about the whole ordeal.

“And here you were yelling and cussing me. Saying I don’t care and how I never watch your back! I had taken care of the problem before you even realized there was a problem!”

I imagined God giving me a snarky smirk, with His arms crossed over His chest and a childish spark in His eyes. I just smiled to myself and shook my head.

God always has my back, if I realize it or not. You’d think by now I would remember to trust Him, instead of blaming Him. But even when I get mad, yell and blame God, He’s still there watching out for me. I might get mad at Him, but He doesn’t get mad at me.

He’s always protecting me. In ways I might never know about.