It will be Okay

The last few years have been hard on me in many ways, but one key issue that continues to make me doubt and have fear - is finances.

When I first started to “live my own life,” I relied heavily on a family that was helping me get on my own feet. Before them, I relied heavily on my dad for everything I needed. After I was able to (semi) provide for myself, I was able to not rely as much on the family or on my dad. However, things happen and I end up having to rely/ask for help.

One person, that is always there for me, and I know will always be there for me – is my dad. This past summer I borrowed money from my dad. He told me that he wanted the money by Christmas. At the time, I had no doubt in my mind that I would be able to pay him back. But, as life goes my circumstances changed and it became less and less of a reality that I would be able to pay him back.

The last few weeks, I’ve been getting more hours and working extra shifts. I’ve been trying to get extra money anywhere I can. When I received my check this past week, I was extremely blessed to find that I was given enough money to pay back my dad.

I came home after depositing the check and went to my file folder to grab my checkbook but couldn’t find it. I looked everywhere in the file folder. I than started to look throughout my room, but still couldn’t find it. Through this whole situation, I continued to tell myself that it would be fine and that my checkbook was somewhere in my room.

However, I couldn’t help but to feel as if everything was against me to pay my dad back. I try so hard to make him proud of me. I try so hard to do things that he would approve of. I don’t like when I disappoint him.

While in a high emotional panic of looking for my checkbook, I stopped and prayed that I would be able to find my checkbook to pay my dad back. I than cleaned up my room, while looking for the checkbook, and once again looked through my file folder. And right where it always is, I found my book.

I took the checkbook out of the file, wrote my check and placed the checkbook back. I than drove to the post office and mailed the package, along with the check, that I had for my dad for Christmas.

I got a call from my dad today saying he received the package.

“Thank you for the card, and the check. I had completely forgotten about the money. Thank you for keeping your word… I’m proud of you. At least I know you got one thing from me. My word.”

My dad always jokes that I’m my mother’s daughter. He also says that he’s very glad that I got most of her traits, morals and principles. He always says that he’s happy I’m more like her, than like him. To hear my dad say that he’s proud of me and that he’s glad that I got a trait from him – makes me happier than I can express.

I don’t get my dad’s verbal approval often, but to know that he recognizes the attempts I’m making gives me hope that one day everything will be okay.