Reflection Paper - Midway Defense

The mid-year defense was rather nerve racking for me. I wasn’t worried about the defense itself, I knew God had called me here to the Honor Academy, but I was nervous about sharing something so personal to me – my blogs. For the first time, ever, I was openly sharing my blogs full of pain, heartache, suicide, and death. I was sharing all the things I had kept hidden for so long.

That was such a scary thought to me; fully opening up to a room of strangers about my life ‘story.’ And it wasn’t just the room of people who were reviewing my defense that read my blogs; it was my core advisor, my close friends and my roommates. Everyone was fascinated to read my blogs and to see the change that I had gone through. The change that God has made in me truly is as different as night and day. And being able to show God’s glory in that; made me want to share my defense - even though I was a little nervous.

Entering the room to give my defense, I was unsure of myself. What was I thinking sharing my blogs, poems and pictures? I set up my presentation and started talking. I hadn’t rehearsed anything. I didn’t know how too. After I had finished my defense, three out of the four people were crying, one told me I had dramatically changed their life by sharing, and another said they could see God’s radiance glowing from me. I was told that my defense was the best they had seen. I smiled and said thank you. I would be nothing without God’s grace.

While preparing my defense, that statement really started to stick with me. If it wasn’t for God loving me, watching over me and protecting me; I would be dead. I should be dead. But I’m not. God has a plan for my life, a plan that is bigger than anyone could have imagined, especially me. And reviewing everything that I’ve over come, God showed me how much He has prepared me for my calling.

And now I wait and see what else God has for me. Learning, healing and pouring into others along the way.