At the Honor Academy we have special awards called “Carpe Diem Awards;” 'Seize the Day' awards. These awards are given to a selected few; people who work hard, are leaders and uphold the vision of Teen Mania. The awards are usually given to people who stand out, are known for being driven and 'on fire.' And these awards are usually given out at chapel.
I've been sick and can hardly function let alone concentrate, so I went 'home' for the day at lunch. I get to the dorm, change, eat, make 'sleepy time' tea, take medicine and crawl into bed when I get texts from my supervisor telling me I needed to go to chapel. I looked at the phone's screen unenthusiastically; with a moan I crawl out of bed, change and head to the auditorium. I get to chapel, sit in the back and text my supervisor asking why I was there. No answer.
The speaker begins to talk as my head is pounding; the speaker finishes and more than ever I wonder why I had to leave my bed. We pray, I grab my stuff to leave and Mr. Hasz (Director of the Honor Academy) gets up to speak: 'Alright everyone, you're not dismissed yet. We are going to be giving out Carpe Diem Awards.' I sit back down in my chair and instantly know why I was told I had to go to chapel.
I sit in my chair as two names are called; the entire time I'm thinking: 'I don't want an award!! I'm sick!' Another name is called; 'Wait, why would I be given an award?' I think. And than: “Stella Cordova” Mr. Hasz calls my name; I stand as people clap and cheer. I walk to the front as Mr. Hasz reads what my award says:
'Stella Cordova is an extremely valuable asset to our team. From day one she has passionately worked to build Teen Mania's social networks into powerful tools that are effectively reaching out to this generation. Because of her hard work and dedication, we have more than doubled our social influence with teenagers through MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Tangle. Her passion for success and commitment to excellence is evident in everything she puts her hands to, and her heart for the Lord is evident and beautiful. She always has a smiling face and a giddy attitude and chooses joy even in the midst of strife. This positive attitude has even reminded and challenged her managers and coworkers to choose joy as well. We're so thankful and honored to have Stella as part of our team, we honestly could not do this without her!'
I shake Mr. Hasz's hand and take my award as I join the others on stage. More names are called and once everyone is up we get one more round of applause and we go back to sit down. As I walk back to my seat my manager looks at me beaming, again I think: 'I don't want an award! I'm sick!'
We are than released from chapel as friends come to hug and congratulate me. I find my manager give him a hug and he says how proud of me he is. I walk to the fountain as I sit and stare at my award. “Carpe Diem, really?” I open the award and read what it says again. “Okay... Maybe I do want it...” I say with a small smile as I walk back to the dorms to sleep.
I have to say after getting sleep and some rest I was beyond thrilled with my award. And I'm very honored and blessed to have the privilege to have a Carpe Diem award.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Reflection Essay - Contemporary Issues
Before coming to the Honor Academy I never really thought about what my morals were on issues. I just did and acted on what I was taught was “proper,” I never really gave it any thought of why I acted or performed in these ways.
not only our character but also our Father, it has really got me to thinking: ‘Why I act the way I act.’ I’m still trying to think everything through and see what matches up with my morals, but here’s a just of what I think I would allow myself to do.
My thoughts on:
Dancing:
With how our world has corrupted dancing, I would rather not comment on it. I always loved and adored the old movies of dances that were choreographed; the dances that people were raised in and everyone did the exact same move, it was one big giant performance. The way our ‘dancing’ is now, with grinding, lifting and touching; it’s most disgraceful.
I don’t think dancing is wrong, not in the lease, but I do think there are different types of dancing. Dancing with a group of friends or dancing one on one with someone with a respectable amount of room is fine. But dancing inches away from someone and their body touching yours in an intimate way; that’s a no go with me. I’m not saying I won’t slow dance or that I won’t dance close to anyone, my husband yes, but I’m not just going to give my body ‘away’ like that to anyone.
Drinking:
To be completely honest, I haven’t completely worked out all my thoughts, ideas and morals on drinking. My family is filled with alcoholics, which makes me want to hate it, but I also see others who can drink one alcoholic beverage and are fine. But for myself personally, I don’t think I could have more than one alcoholic beverage at a time; and that would be far and few between.
I wouldn’t drink in public, but I wouldn’t drink alone either, I would drink in a small intimate group. I wouldn’t hold or store the beverages at my home and I also wouldn’t buy it. I don’t plan on drinking on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Everything has its time and place and I believe this the same for alcohol.
What would be the time or places for me? A drink on my wedding night with my husband, an intimate dinner with my husband and maybe a celebration or two of announcements; but I defiantly don’t see myself celebrating every little thing with a drink.
Movie & TV viewing:
With the way that the secular entertainment world has corrupted our movies and television, it’s hard to not turn on the television or walk into a movie theater without watching something with profanity and semi-nudity. I’ve always been careful with what I watch and what I listen to. Because what you put in, is what you get out; and what you surround yourself with is how you will become.
And with that said, I don’t think I could just classify one ‘category’ of things I wouldn’t watch. I can’t say I wouldn’t watch anything rated R, because I have, and not everything rated R is full of gore, nudity and vulgar language. Movies of historical content are usually rated R because it does have much violence, movies depicting how someone was treated in slavery is usually rated R because the acts done to them are to the extreme, and movies talking about serious issues as in abortion, suicide, murder & other controversial topics are usually rated R. But that doesn’t mean I will go watch a movie full of drugs, sex and drinking scenes.
With me, it all comes down to the story line. If the story line seems clean, enjoyable and “family friendly” I usually go see it. I don’t think the rating has much to do with how the movie is; most PG-13 movies now are filled with slanderous words, disobedient children and sex driven teens. I stick with the story line, if the story line catches my eye and seems interesting I will watch, and if it turns out to be completely against my morals I will stop watching it; I’ve done it before and am not afraid to do it again.
not only our character but also our Father, it has really got me to thinking: ‘Why I act the way I act.’ I’m still trying to think everything through and see what matches up with my morals, but here’s a just of what I think I would allow myself to do.
My thoughts on:
Dancing:
With how our world has corrupted dancing, I would rather not comment on it. I always loved and adored the old movies of dances that were choreographed; the dances that people were raised in and everyone did the exact same move, it was one big giant performance. The way our ‘dancing’ is now, with grinding, lifting and touching; it’s most disgraceful.
I don’t think dancing is wrong, not in the lease, but I do think there are different types of dancing. Dancing with a group of friends or dancing one on one with someone with a respectable amount of room is fine. But dancing inches away from someone and their body touching yours in an intimate way; that’s a no go with me. I’m not saying I won’t slow dance or that I won’t dance close to anyone, my husband yes, but I’m not just going to give my body ‘away’ like that to anyone.
Drinking:
To be completely honest, I haven’t completely worked out all my thoughts, ideas and morals on drinking. My family is filled with alcoholics, which makes me want to hate it, but I also see others who can drink one alcoholic beverage and are fine. But for myself personally, I don’t think I could have more than one alcoholic beverage at a time; and that would be far and few between.
I wouldn’t drink in public, but I wouldn’t drink alone either, I would drink in a small intimate group. I wouldn’t hold or store the beverages at my home and I also wouldn’t buy it. I don’t plan on drinking on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. Everything has its time and place and I believe this the same for alcohol.
What would be the time or places for me? A drink on my wedding night with my husband, an intimate dinner with my husband and maybe a celebration or two of announcements; but I defiantly don’t see myself celebrating every little thing with a drink.
Movie & TV viewing:
With the way that the secular entertainment world has corrupted our movies and television, it’s hard to not turn on the television or walk into a movie theater without watching something with profanity and semi-nudity. I’ve always been careful with what I watch and what I listen to. Because what you put in, is what you get out; and what you surround yourself with is how you will become.
And with that said, I don’t think I could just classify one ‘category’ of things I wouldn’t watch. I can’t say I wouldn’t watch anything rated R, because I have, and not everything rated R is full of gore, nudity and vulgar language. Movies of historical content are usually rated R because it does have much violence, movies depicting how someone was treated in slavery is usually rated R because the acts done to them are to the extreme, and movies talking about serious issues as in abortion, suicide, murder & other controversial topics are usually rated R. But that doesn’t mean I will go watch a movie full of drugs, sex and drinking scenes.
With me, it all comes down to the story line. If the story line seems clean, enjoyable and “family friendly” I usually go see it. I don’t think the rating has much to do with how the movie is; most PG-13 movies now are filled with slanderous words, disobedient children and sex driven teens. I stick with the story line, if the story line catches my eye and seems interesting I will watch, and if it turns out to be completely against my morals I will stop watching it; I’ve done it before and am not afraid to do it again.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Reflection Essay - Week of the Ring
As in any life changing decision, for me, accepting my ring and taking up the responsibility of the line- was a bitter sweet moment. I learned so much during the WOTR, I took many notes and gained so much more knowledge the second time around (sat through all the sessions when the Januaries had their WOTR).
Experiencing WOTR for a second time was a real eye opener for me; I noticed the change of acknowledgment I had. The first time around I hadn’t fully understood what the ring or the line was; and my mind was in a very different mindset. So sitting a second round in similar seminars and hearing the material again really proved to myself how much my morals, world views and mindset had change. It was a breath of fresh air.
But it was also a very challenging time for me. Here I was sitting through the same seminars again and hints of sin kept coming up. My flesh kept whispering to me that I couldn’t uphold the ‘line.’ That I couldn’t stay pure, I couldn’t stay honorable and that I would degrade the line & have to give up my ring. These thoughts ran ramped in my mind for a few days; I began to believe them and started to doubt if I should accept the ring and take the challenge of living an honorable life.
WOTR had come to an end and we had the weekend to think over the decision of accepting our rings and becoming part of the line. I sat in bed and prayed.
Doubts, fears, and lies were over powering my mind and I didn’t know what to do. Sitting in my bed I was softly reminded of what I had overcome (with God’s help). Yes I had lived a dishonorable life and yes I was still going to be challenged and tested. BUT that didn’t mean I had to or was going to give into them again. God had brought me through so far and He wasn’t going to leave me half mended.
Entering the banquet on Monday, I was determined that I would accept my ring and that I would join the line. Yes I would stumble, but that didn’t mean I would fall and not get back up. I wasn’t going to let the lies of the enemy keep me from reaching, yet another, goal God had for me.
Experiencing WOTR for a second time was a real eye opener for me; I noticed the change of acknowledgment I had. The first time around I hadn’t fully understood what the ring or the line was; and my mind was in a very different mindset. So sitting a second round in similar seminars and hearing the material again really proved to myself how much my morals, world views and mindset had change. It was a breath of fresh air.
But it was also a very challenging time for me. Here I was sitting through the same seminars again and hints of sin kept coming up. My flesh kept whispering to me that I couldn’t uphold the ‘line.’ That I couldn’t stay pure, I couldn’t stay honorable and that I would degrade the line & have to give up my ring. These thoughts ran ramped in my mind for a few days; I began to believe them and started to doubt if I should accept the ring and take the challenge of living an honorable life.
WOTR had come to an end and we had the weekend to think over the decision of accepting our rings and becoming part of the line. I sat in bed and prayed.
Doubts, fears, and lies were over powering my mind and I didn’t know what to do. Sitting in my bed I was softly reminded of what I had overcome (with God’s help). Yes I had lived a dishonorable life and yes I was still going to be challenged and tested. BUT that didn’t mean I had to or was going to give into them again. God had brought me through so far and He wasn’t going to leave me half mended.
Entering the banquet on Monday, I was determined that I would accept my ring and that I would join the line. Yes I would stumble, but that didn’t mean I would fall and not get back up. I wasn’t going to let the lies of the enemy keep me from reaching, yet another, goal God had for me.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Reflection Essay - Peak Challenge – Houston, TX ATF
Being unable to test out for the Mountain LTE I was very sadden; this was going to be yet another core bonding LTE that I would be unable to participate in. I again sat on the side lines watching my core getting ready for the Mountain LTE and again walked them to the LTE and again had to say good-bye to them. I had to drop out of ESOAL for emergency leave months ago; and here I was again staying behind.
It was a bitter-sweet moment for me. I wouldn’t be able to go on the Mountain LTE but I was going to the Houston, TX Acquire the Fire event. I wasn’t able to be sad for too long, I had to prepare to drive six hours the next day to Houston. Packing everything the same night my core left, I woke up the next morning, packed the car with two friends and got on the road to ATF.
I had been to many ATF’s before, but never as an intern; and especially never really saw how they were run. This ATF event I learned a lot. I learned that there are many spiritual levels. That people do what they think others want them to do. People crave attention. And that people in leadership are made and called; not just called.
After viewing, participating, and praying; I left the ATF with a bitter taste in my mouth. ATF’s had always dramatically changed my life. The whole reason why I’m at the Honor Academy is because of an ATF. And here I was leaving the ATF sadden, broken-hearted and confused. Not because of God, not because of myself, not because of the speakers, not because of Teen Mania and especially not because of the ATF event itself; but because of the people that were attending the event.
I guess always attending the event I always had the mentality that ATF’s were fun, they were a cool place to hang out, the speakers were cool to listen to and the music rocked; but that was it – ATF was a sociable event that I went to yearly. It wasn’t a place I went to get refilled, it wasn’t a place I went to hear Gods word, it wasn’t a place I went to encounter God – it was just a place for a fun ‘clean’ time. And seeing others with this attitude and heart broke my heart.
People were so close to God, so close to knowing Him, seeing Him, sensing Him and they didn’t take that moment. They were too focused on the music, too focused on their friends, too focused on themselves that they missed God.
And it made me realize – I was in their exact spot a month earlier.
It was a bitter-sweet moment for me. I wouldn’t be able to go on the Mountain LTE but I was going to the Houston, TX Acquire the Fire event. I wasn’t able to be sad for too long, I had to prepare to drive six hours the next day to Houston. Packing everything the same night my core left, I woke up the next morning, packed the car with two friends and got on the road to ATF.
I had been to many ATF’s before, but never as an intern; and especially never really saw how they were run. This ATF event I learned a lot. I learned that there are many spiritual levels. That people do what they think others want them to do. People crave attention. And that people in leadership are made and called; not just called.
After viewing, participating, and praying; I left the ATF with a bitter taste in my mouth. ATF’s had always dramatically changed my life. The whole reason why I’m at the Honor Academy is because of an ATF. And here I was leaving the ATF sadden, broken-hearted and confused. Not because of God, not because of myself, not because of the speakers, not because of Teen Mania and especially not because of the ATF event itself; but because of the people that were attending the event.
I guess always attending the event I always had the mentality that ATF’s were fun, they were a cool place to hang out, the speakers were cool to listen to and the music rocked; but that was it – ATF was a sociable event that I went to yearly. It wasn’t a place I went to get refilled, it wasn’t a place I went to hear Gods word, it wasn’t a place I went to encounter God – it was just a place for a fun ‘clean’ time. And seeing others with this attitude and heart broke my heart.
People were so close to God, so close to knowing Him, seeing Him, sensing Him and they didn’t take that moment. They were too focused on the music, too focused on their friends, too focused on themselves that they missed God.
And it made me realize – I was in their exact spot a month earlier.
Reflection Paper - Midway Defense
The mid-year defense was rather nerve racking for me. I wasn’t worried about the defense itself, I knew God had called me here to the Honor Academy, but I was nervous about sharing something so personal to me – my blogs. For the first time, ever, I was openly sharing my blogs full of pain, heartache, suicide, and death. I was sharing all the things I had kept hidden for so long.
That was such a scary thought to me; fully opening up to a room of strangers about my life ‘story.’ And it wasn’t just the room of people who were reviewing my defense that read my blogs; it was my core advisor, my close friends and my roommates. Everyone was fascinated to read my blogs and to see the change that I had gone through. The change that God has made in me truly is as different as night and day. And being able to show God’s glory in that; made me want to share my defense - even though I was a little nervous.
Entering the room to give my defense, I was unsure of myself. What was I thinking sharing my blogs, poems and pictures? I set up my presentation and started talking. I hadn’t rehearsed anything. I didn’t know how too. After I had finished my defense, three out of the four people were crying, one told me I had dramatically changed their life by sharing, and another said they could see God’s radiance glowing from me. I was told that my defense was the best they had seen. I smiled and said thank you. I would be nothing without God’s grace.
While preparing my defense, that statement really started to stick with me. If it wasn’t for God loving me, watching over me and protecting me; I would be dead. I should be dead. But I’m not. God has a plan for my life, a plan that is bigger than anyone could have imagined, especially me. And reviewing everything that I’ve over come, God showed me how much He has prepared me for my calling.
And now I wait and see what else God has for me. Learning, healing and pouring into others along the way.
That was such a scary thought to me; fully opening up to a room of strangers about my life ‘story.’ And it wasn’t just the room of people who were reviewing my defense that read my blogs; it was my core advisor, my close friends and my roommates. Everyone was fascinated to read my blogs and to see the change that I had gone through. The change that God has made in me truly is as different as night and day. And being able to show God’s glory in that; made me want to share my defense - even though I was a little nervous.
Entering the room to give my defense, I was unsure of myself. What was I thinking sharing my blogs, poems and pictures? I set up my presentation and started talking. I hadn’t rehearsed anything. I didn’t know how too. After I had finished my defense, three out of the four people were crying, one told me I had dramatically changed their life by sharing, and another said they could see God’s radiance glowing from me. I was told that my defense was the best they had seen. I smiled and said thank you. I would be nothing without God’s grace.
While preparing my defense, that statement really started to stick with me. If it wasn’t for God loving me, watching over me and protecting me; I would be dead. I should be dead. But I’m not. God has a plan for my life, a plan that is bigger than anyone could have imagined, especially me. And reviewing everything that I’ve over come, God showed me how much He has prepared me for my calling.
And now I wait and see what else God has for me. Learning, healing and pouring into others along the way.
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