Red Band

Picture drawn from a vision that I had.

The heart represents the soul. The yellow represents God and the gray represents the enemy. The dark gray represents the strongholds the enemy still has. The light grey represents where the enemy has lost control. Sin is still there but it is no longer trapped. God can now go in and heal.

The demons split tail represents his indecisiveness; trying to make me doubt. The red band around his head means he’s one of the best. The notches in his band represent the lives he’s destroyed.

Friendship.

It’s always difficult to open up to people. To let people into your life, into your mess and help you sort through it. But, this is made slightly easier by a good friend. A friend that you can run and vent to, a friend that you can scream & yell at, a friend that you can express your anger to and they tell you you’re being silly and need to grow up.

A close friend – a best friend knows a lot about you. They know what upsets you, they know what to say to make you smile, and they know when to try and talk sense into you or just let you vent your frustration.

Best friends are people that you choose out of your own accord to share private and intimate things with.

You don’t just tell a random person on the street that you’ve been depressed. You don’t tell the person sitting next to you on the bus that you have a gambling problem. You don’t tell your mailman that your spouse is cheating on you.

You just don’t reveal all your hurts and pains to the world. That would be insane. We don’t like sharing our problems, they hurt and cripple us. Why would we show someone we hardly know that we’re vulnerable? We don’t, but we do share it with our best friend. Someone we’re so close to.

When you have good news, when you’re so excited that you just can’t contain your joy, who do you tell first? Your best friend; the one person you know that will be just excited and thrilled as you are. When you find out awesome wonderful news, who do you first share with? Your best friend!

Good friends are crucial to our daily living.

So my question to you: Who are you’re good friends? And who considers you a good friend?

“I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn’t confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the father told me.” – John 15:15

This is Jesus speaking. The man that came to the cross and died for our sins calls us a FRIEND. He calls us His friend because He shared (in the Bible) something so intimate with us, God – His father.

The creator of EVERYTHING calls us His friend! How awesome and amazing is that?

Think about this, the King of Kings, the Glory of Glories considers you a friend. A friend! He doesn’t see you as some random person on the street. He doesn’t see you as a sin-sick puppy. He doesn’t see you as a creeper. He see’s you as a friend. Someone He can share private and intimate things with. Someone He can be honest with. Someone He can tell and express everything to.

That’s pretty heavy to try and comprehend isn’t it? Trying to grasp that God considers me, you, a friend is pretty tough to accept. I, myself, just recently grasped and understood this.

I was reading this verse over and over; I was trying to meditate on it, I was trying to get the truth to stick in my mind. But it was hard, because I didn’t believe that I was God’s friend.

And then God brought this to my mind: When you’re friends with someone you share things with them. You give them gifts so they know how much they mean to you. When you’re good friends with some you tell them things even when it hurts.

God’s you’re friend when:
He tells you to talk to someone having a hard day. (He’s sharing with you).
He speaks to your heart, gives you vision, gives you a blessing (healing, money etc). (He’s giving you a gift).
He convicts you of a sin that is ruining your life or relationship with Him. (Telling you something when it hurts).

The Lord brought to my mind, my drawings. The drawing that I’ve made of visions that God’s placed on my heart. The Lord brought to my mind the many times He’s ministered to my heart and calmed me down. The Lord reminded me of times when I had nothing and then He blessed me with everything. And then, the Lord called me His friend.

All this time I’ve been trying to become God’s friend when I already was! The Lord was speaking and sharing things with me and I never realized that we had a friendship. Ha!

And once I saw and realized that I am God’s friend. I was able to accept that truth, and the enemy’s lie that I’m not good enough or worthy of God’s love or grace fled.

Lies can’t exist when the light of truth is shown on it.

So, my next question for you: In what ways is God being your friend when you don’t realize it? If you can’t think of any, pray and ask Him. And when He answers, you’ll know you’re His friend.

TRUTH!

I just had a revelation that is so simplistic that I cannot believe that I didn’t see it before.

The thoughts that you believe about yourself, your life or about others is how you portray yourself. The beliefs that have been installed in you at a young age will depict how you act and respond. The things you believe are what you become. What you surround yourself with you will reflect.

Most people will agree to these statements. Your thoughts, ideas and principles depict how you live your life. Now that, that’s a little harder to comprehend.

“So you’re saying because I’m always depressed, that I’m willing and allowing myself to be depressed.” Yes, yes I am.

I know, you’re about to curse me because I said yes. You might not think or say to yourself ‘I have to be depressed,’ but there is a thought that has been placed in your head (by you or others) that has made you believe (or accept) your depression.

“So, Star, you’re saying that I believe that I need to be depressed.” Maybe not in those words, but yes; a thought has been placed in your head growing up that has installed depression in your life.

I know; BIG revelation right?

Over the last month I have been going over how to identify lies and how to get those lies out of your life. I’ve been told over and over that these lies are told to us in small little ways, over many years; most when we were children.

These lies can consist of: “I’m not pretty enough,” “I will never pass this test,” “I deserve to be punished because I did something bad,” “I need to be sad because I upset them,” etc.

All of these statements are lies!

Over years of you believing that you’re not pretty enough, you will soon believe that you’re ugly and possibly that you will never be loved by another. If you believe that you will never pass a hard test, you will soon not attempt tasks because you believe you will never succeed. If you believe that every time you do something ‘bad’ you need to be punished, you will soon believe that you deserve nothing good because you always do bad. If you believe that you need to be sad every time you upset someone, you will automatically become depressed when some disapproves.

The thoughts you believe, is how you will react.

“Alright Star, this is pretty self explanatory. Why is this such a revelation?” Because your thoughts bad or good will reflect how you live your life!

So if you believe you are loved, you will not feel alone or abandon because you know people love and care about you. If you believe that you are acceptable, the thoughts of others will not affect you as much. If you believe you are worthy to be cared and looked after, it will not be so hard for you to accept hospitality.

“Yes Star, I’m following you. Where’s the revelation?” If the thoughts that were told to you over and over were negative and caused you to have negative thoughts , ideas and principles; why can’t you replace them with positive ones!

I know, I know, so simple!

“Are you serious Star, this is your BIG revelation?” Yes, yes it is!

I have the power to change my thoughts! I have the power to take the negative ideas in my head and make them positive! I have the power to tell the ideas running around in my head ‘No! That’s not true about me!’ I have the power! Not the negativity that has been running my life in fear and depression.

”Okay, so what are you going to do with this new found ‘power’?” I’m going to believe the TRUTH!

“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” – John 8:32

I have heard this verse so many times, I have read the verse so many times; but it never sank in until now.

I always thought that I knew the ‘truth,’ I always thought that I knew what was right and what was wrong. But there’s more to it than that!

You might know that it’s wrong to think that you’re not worthy to be loved. You might know the truth that Jesus died for you on the cross; but until you truly know this in your soul and believe it you will not be set free!

Truth! You are LOVED by the King of Kings.
Truth, you are WORTHY of His love.
Truth, He died for you so that your sins would be washed AWAY.
Truth, the Lord is ALWAYS by your side.
Truth, the creator who made EVERYTHING finds you remarkable and breathtaking.

All, ALL of these statements are truth! But somewhere along the path of life many of us are told otherwise. We’re told lies that we are not worthy because we have failed. We’re told that we will never succeed. We’re told that no matter what we do, we will never satisfy others.

But all of these are lies! And how do we combat lies? With TRUTH!

We shoot back to the enemy (Satan, father of lies) that we are worthy! That God loves us and we are washed cleaned from our sins because Jesus died on the cross for us and took our sins to the grave.

We take truth (“I have a purpose for living”) and combat it with the lie (“You’re worthless”). And the more and more you say this and combat the lie with truth, the more you will believe and install the truth in your life until that lie no longer exists!

“You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Once you know the truth and have installed the truth into your mind, the lies will seem like what they are – lies, NOT truth.

”Wow, pretty insightful.” Yea, I know.

Once you understand that you need truth to combat with the lies, and that YOU have the power to combat these lies in your head; you’ll feel less like a victim to your thoughts.

”So, where do I get or find these truths?” In the Bible. The Bible is FULL of them! Read the Word of God and fill your mind with what God thinks about YOU!

You can also meditate on: ‘Who I am in Christ’ lists. Here are some links to help you: http://bit.ly/3q9Eyb and http://bit.ly/3dZBbf

Once, you know the truth and have it installed deep within your mind and your soul. The lies won’t be able to hurt you again.

“Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth.” – Ephesians 6:14


After the realization of "Lie Truth" a picture and video was inspired. You can view those here:
Picture of Lie Truth's.
Video about Lie Truth's.

Deception – Decrement

I was listening to podcast about forgiveness and honoring. One of the points the speaker made was just because you’ve forgiven someone that doesn’t mean you forget and place yourself back into a bad situation. You need to have decrement and only place yourself in a good healthy place.

When this was stated, I envisioned a present. A beautiful present wrapped in colorful wrappings and a pretty bow. But the present was surrounded by darkness, where the present was there was a little light, but everywhere else - darkness.

Around the present were different signs to make the present look appealing; hearts for love, dollar signs for money, smiley faces for happiness, and music notes for joy. Mixed in with all the signs where question and expiration marks; trying to make the present look exciting and interesting.

Everything around the present was trying to make you open it. But on the present itself, on the beautifully wrapped present, were signs of death, poison and heartache. On the pretty bow were words of death, heartache, bitterness, anger, hurt, depression, etc.

The present itself was bad. It would bring nothing but hurt, pain and heartache if opened. But it was wrapped in something that looked inviting and happy.

Deception.

How many times do we look at something and think it’s grand, but in reality it’s not.

How many times do we open presents that aren’t good for us?

How often do YOU get fooled by pretty wrappings?

Pig vs Unicorn

My Picture that I made for Joey Avalos.

He wanted me to draw him a picture of a pig and a unicorn with laser eyes fighting. With squirrels in the background doing flips, flying fish and tree's coming to life.

I split the picture into sides the "pigs" and the "unicorns." On the pig side: the pigs, the trees and the squirrels. On the unicorn side: the unicorns and the flying fish.

The unicorns have laser eyes. The pigs have swords and armor. The squirrels have shields. And the trees have apples to fight with.

I set it up like an old school comic fight; with bright colors, word bubbles and a harsh divider.

I like it; will defiantly try this again, by actually drawing it out.

Stars Go Dim

I copied this drawing from a promo shot.
Reference picture: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=7733646&id=14881285297

I took my own spin to the picture, I really like how everything turned out.

The picture took me about 8-10 hours to draw, color in, water color and to add all the details.

Silence

Third time’s a charm, right? Everything is all better, fixed and correct now; right? Nothing bad will happen anymore, I won’t have to come back – right? Oh, no that’s – that’s not how it works.

Oh how I wish that it did. How I never had to step another foot in a place like this, but no, I find myself in yet another hospital. Another week of my life lost and gone, never to come back; another set of doctors and nurses to poke and probe at me. Another round of pills, therapies and diagnosis to determine “what’s wrong” with me; another cold empty room, with pasty white walls and a bed that creaks with every immoral thought.

And again, I have no one to blame but myself. Who else made me place the blade with ripples from heaven to my skin and produce the liquid of sorrow? Who would make me take the pills of sweet delight to end my life of gum drops and candy canes?

I mean who could have talked a sensible girl like me into doing such a thing?


The voices of course.

Healed and Protected

Went to BHOP tonight, I went wanting an intimate touch from the Lord; I didn’t expect to get it though. I walked in, placed my stuff down and began to sing. At the beginning I felt very muffled, like there was no connection.

After a while I moved to an almost empty room that was dark. I felt like I was supposed to go to that room but couldn’t bring myself to go to it. I finally forced myself to go to the room and began to pace and sing to the Lord. He told me that I would go to the darkness, to the lost and forgotten and help them. But that I wasn’t supposed to stay in the dark, I was to go to help and then come back to the light; my place wasn’t in the darkness.

After a while the two other people that were in the room left and I had the room to myself, by this time I had turned the light on and began to pace and roam the room. Walking in a big circle and continued to sing. At one point, I began to spin. I started to dance and move around, it felt right, I was to dance for the Lord.

A little later a women came up to me and introduced herself to me: “Hey, I’m Karen, can I pray for you?” I said yes and nodded. “I just feel like there is a veil of anointing over you. I can see that you have a spirit of a warrior, but a heart that is full of love and compassion. And when you dance and sing, it’s as if it moves all throughout the room and affects the people getting praised. It moves out side of this room and affects change.” She began to pray over me, over and over she continued to say: “There’s a great anointing over this one. This one is special.”

After she prayed for me I went back to singing and dancing. I was watching the prophecy room, because I wanted to go in, but the line was too long. At one point a guy entered the room (Aaron) and urgency came over me. ‘Fight! Fight and don’t give up!’ I continued to pace and sing, the urgency wouldn’t leave me. ‘Fight and don’t give up! You are stronger than this. Don’t listen to the enemy!’

After the guy was finished he went back and sat down. There was a tugging at my heart that I tried to ignore but couldn’t. I went up to him and told him what I had felt and heard. I introduced myself to him and continued to speak to him. The Lord spoke to him through me. It seemed like it hit home. I smiled and then left.

The line finally went down in the prophecy room and I went to wait. I went in, Pastor Steven introduced Deborah and Jeff to me and then he said he just kept getting that the walls and strongholds that were holding me back that were beginning to break. That there were plugs built up that were going to give way and I was going to be set free. Jeff said that he saw me blossoming and growing. That everything else was turning into Fall but that I was going against it and turning into Spring. I was going to blossom, grow and shine. This season would be full of change and growth. Deborah said that she kept getting: “Be still and know.”

The BHOP session was amazing, I felt so free and healed. I truly needed that.

True Healing

Went to theophostic prayer for the first time today; I was nervous and scared, but I couldn’t wait to start. I want a change, I want a change in me to be made so that I can flourish and grow and not be like how I am. I don’t like how I am, I don’t like the way I think and feel and act. I dislike that way that my emotions and self mutilation runs my life. I want it to be gone.

So we walked in (Camilla, Evelyn and I) and met Sherrie. She was a nice, friendly southern bell. She reminded me a lot like Lesli, with her wording and phrasing; it was comforting. I signed papers and read a lot and then we started the session.

So we sit in the chairs, get comfortable and then she smiles and looks at me: “Where should we start?” I looked at her with wide eyes, a heavy heart and urgency in my spirit – Devon. I briefly explained Devon and the situation. We then went back in time and focused on a memory, a memory of me being a little girl in pre-school and a little boy giving me attention.

I think of that memory every now and then, I didn’t think it held any power though. I didn’t think that memory could hold lies, deceit and affect my daily life; but it did.

We asked the Lord to come into the situation and to reveal truth to me. It was amazing. I could see myself sitting in His lap, His arms wrapped around me and just loving on me. He kept kissing my forehead and hugging me tight. At one point the Lord was playing with me. Another memory sprouted off the pre-school memory.

I had seen the little boy once after pre-school at a store and I hid from him. I didn’t want him to see me or recognize me. The Lord came into that memory and said: “Boo! I see you. You don’t need to hide from me.” It was sweet and gentle. The Lord just kept playing ‘hide-and-seek’ with me; ha ha, you’ve never lived until you’ve played hide-and-seek with the Lord.

At one point, Sherrie asked the Lord if I was important. We were still focused on the ‘I love you’ part, after a while I asked the Lord myself if He thought I was important. At that moment, the thought of ‘No’ instantly filled my head. Before the ‘O’ was said the Lord sternly said: “Satan go away, you have no ground here.” And the thought was gone. The Lord then said: “Protected. You are protected.” It was amazing; absolutely amazing to know that the lord fights for me – for you.

Can’t wait for my next session.

~~~

What I learned from the session:
The Lord spoke to me that I was precious and that he loved me. He kept repeating over and over: “I love you.” The Lord said I was protected, that He always protects me. And that I’m misunderstood but that He understands me.