Train Me Up

Today at church, the pastor was teaching on how we need to be warriors. How we need to be warriors for God and how we need to go to battle to fight for God's people.

The pastor then touched the subject that if you're dealing/struggling with something that you can't shake, that the enemy just keeps coming at you, that probably means you're doing something right or that you're a priority to God.

"Why would the enemy send a foot solider to take out a general?"

And all I could think of was: "I'm the one with the red band!"

When I lived in Texas and was in the middle of my healing journey, I would sit in the church's prayer chapel and I would meditate on God. God would reveal things to me either in words or in pictures. One day God showed me a vision of me and the atmosphere around me. I had to draw it out.

"The heart represents the soul. The yellow represents God and the gray represents the enemy. The dark gray represents the strongholds the enemy still has. The light grey represents where the enemy has lost control. Sin is still there but it is no longer trapped. God can now go in and heal.

The demons split tail represents his indecisiveness; trying to make me doubt. The red band around his head means he’s one of the best. The notches in his band represent the lives he’s destroyed." - Posted on my Facebook; October 31, 2009

After I drew out the drawing, I wrote this on the back of the drawing. The next day I showed the drawing to my mentor and the pastor's wife. I had shared these types of drawings with them before. But this one was different. 

Most of the things I 'see', 'sense' or 'feel' have no real evidence of truth, and honestly, I don't fully believe 100% that they're from God. There's always the doubt that I do have that active of an imagination.

After I shared my drawing and the description of it, my mentor shared a story.

"It's interesting that you mention the red band. I heard a missionary share a story of a possessed man. He was acting crazy and causing havoc. The missionary talked to the demon and asked the demon why he was doing this. The demon replied with 'I'm the one with the red band'. The missionary said that the demon acted like the red band meant seniority." 

This was the first, and only, time something I've 'seen' has been confirmed. And it's always stuck with me.

The pastor then went on to say, that God gives us our calling but then sends us back to where we were before He gave us the calling. God might tell us our purpose, but doesn't always immediately put us to work in it. And that in those moment, God works in us to builds us up and trains us in order to fight.

The last few years, I haven't really been listening to God's voice. I haven't been meditating on Him or His words. I haven't been willing to listen to the words He tells me or to draw out visions He gives me. I've completely pulled away from my spiritual gifts.

It's no coincidence that a group I've been going to has been focusing on this the last few weeks. Working and nurturing your spiritual gifts. It's also no coincidence that this has been re-awakening them (my spiritual gifts). And, it's also far from a coincidence that this was the pastor's topic this morning. Or that I've become restless with my contentment. 

I think God's getting ready to bring me back into training again. I feel scared, because I don't know if I'm ready to battle. But it also gives me a breath of fresh air, because I'm tired of sitting still. 

I am a warrior. I am a fighter. I have a waring spirit and I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines. I'm TIRED of the enemy thinking he can push me or others around. 

I'm not ready for battle. But I am ready for training.

Untitled

I've been working on this picture for a few days now.

As in all heart drawing I make. The heart is mine. You see the outside red shell of the heart and then the inside of the heart is put into three pieces. This can represent God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus. Or, it could be what makes up my heart: God, my emotions/mind and my environment.

The heart has locked itself into a dark box. And has placed up "protective" tools to keep the box intact. An umbrella is set on top of the box to protect it from the holy cleansing water of the Spirit. And a metal sheet is placed on the side of the box to protect it from the renewing fire of the Spirit.

There's something missing, in the left corner; but I can't see it just yet. And I don't have a title for it either.

But just looking at the picture and seeing what it represents, is frightening. After everything I've done and been through. After all the stages of my heart. I'm still keeping it locked up, under protection and away from God.

Why? Why am I doing that?

Seeing Hope

Inspired by the song: "Just Say Jesus" by 7eventh Time Down.

the Heart

Ever since I got my ‘Forsaken Fighter’ tattoo for my 23rd birthday, I’ve wanted to get another tattoo. I want to get Isaiah 42:16 tattooed on my other wrist. I’m also playing with the idea of getting a scar tattoo on my right forearm. But neither seem to be the ‘right’ time yet.

With leaving Colorado right around the corner, I decided that I needed a change. A going away present to myself. With my first two tattoo ideas in my mind a third idea came to me that I have also been considering, tattooing a small heart onto my wrist. With the self-harm rate still high in the youth generation, people have been drawing hearts on their wrist to show love and sympathy for the cutters. The same reason why I want a scar tattoo on my forearm. Cutting is part of my past, it’s not who I am any more but it’s helped molded me into who I am today – a stronger beautiful fighter.

Sitting in my room I really started to consider getting a heart tattoo. The more I thought about the tattoo, the more I wanted to spruce it up. I thought about adding color, adding a design to the outside, the inside, adding a cross to show God’s love, and then it hit me – a crown around the heart.

And then instantly, I saw the tattoo in my mind.


A few years ago, when I was working through a lot of issues in my life, the Lord used pictures of a heart to depict the different stages that my heart was in. The healing process that the Lord was leading me in. The first drawing of the heart was broken and harden by the cruelness of the world and got mended and placed back together by God. In another drawing, the heart was washed out and cleansed by ‘living water,’ the Holy Spirit. Another drawing showed the heart having to cross a bridge to get to God, in the middle of the bridge was fire. The heart had to cross through the fire, to get refined by the Holy Spirit to get closer to God. And one of the last drawings, was the heart being surrounded and protected by three beings (God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit), with a crown around it. The crown showed that the heart had become righteous again and that the heart was ruled by the King – God.

I am constantly reminded how much God loves me. And how much He cares for me, He saved me when I was lost and never let me go. My heart drawings mean a great deal to me. I am so grateful to have been able to pull some of the drawings together and show what the Lord has done in my life.

Eye

Gem Stones.

A group of people looking towards the skies for help, for riches, for an escape. They're too distracted with what they're looking at, that they don't see what some of the gems are attached too, a demon.

The Snake.

The Lord gave me this vision, of a snake, slithering on the ground and then to a person. The snake slithered up the person's legs, the snake wrapping itself around the width of the person. The snake wrapped itself tightly around the person's ankles, their legs and loosely around their thighs, stomach, chest, arms and then the snake's head rested on the person's shoulder. It's mouth toward the person's ear. As the snake moved up, it's grip became looser and looser.

The Lord asked me what I saw. I looked at the image, all I saw was a person wrapped tightly. The Lord revealed to me that sin comes to use slowly. It creeps up on us. It always attacks our steps, where we want to go, where the Lord wants us to go. Sin wants to trip us up.

When we let sin in, it slowly takes over our life. It slowly wraps itself around us. Not tight enough to stop or choke us, but enough to control our movement. Sin moves all through out our life, until it's in the passenger seat. It whispers to us. It tempts us. We allow it to lead us.

Back Down. Don't You Back Down Baby Tonight!

One of my favorite bands at the moment is Philmont. I really love their music and their style. Their music brings me joy and encourages me a lot.

I’d been trying to get to one of their concerts since the beginning of the year, but one way or another, it just never worked out. I started working on a drawing of them. I wanted to give it to them if I ever did get to see them perform. After seven long months (and long breaks) I finally finished the drawing and finally found my way to one of their shows.

I’ll admit, I was obsessing over this drawing. I wanted to make sure I was drawing it to the best of my ability and that it looked just right before I gave it to them. I was so proud of the end product. But when it finally became the time to give it to them - I was nervous. What if they didn’t like it? What if they played it off as “sunshine and rainbows” but secretly cared less.

So here I find myself, in Bedford, TX in a church sanctuary a few feet away from their table and I can’t bring myself to go to them. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and move quickly. They’re all sitting in a corner, in a semi-circle, so I jump in the middle of the circle, hold my gift out and shout: “I have a present!” Ha ha, I have no idea what caused me to do this, but I did.

They all look at me, smile and jump to their feet. They grab the present and stare at it. The wrapping distracts them; they were impressed with my warping skills. After asking questions on what the envelope was covered in, they open it and pull off all the protective layers of foam and card board.

When the drawing is fully exposed in the open, there’s a pause for two seconds and then: “Hey! That’s the drawing from Facebook! You drew that?!” I was shocked, surprised and impressed that they had seen the picture I had posted. I was taken aback when they each started to state back details I had written on Facebook about the process of the drawing.

Britt, a girlfriend of one of the band members', said she saw the picture on my profile and looks at my art; she really likes my style. The band members also mentioned that they looked at my ‘step by step’ pictures of the drawing. I was touched. And I was honored when they placed the drawing on their merch table for everyone to see.

Over all, I was extremely blessed by their comments and their actions. I was extremely moved that they had taken the time to look at my art. They cared enough to look and read the random spurts of a spazzy young girl.

Thanks Philmont.

Reach.

Tan represents life.
Yellow represents a soul.
Red represents blood.
Black represents death.
Blue represents God.
Grey represents emptiness either physical or spiritual.

The half circle represents how freeing and open God is. The circles moves down representing how god reaches down to us. The circle in the middle represents how God needs to be the center of our lives. The tree to the left of the circle represents out growth in Christ.

The black squiggles represents how the enemy can engulf you, push you down and trap you in bondage. The fire represents our blood/lives and how living for the enemy or ourselves is useless works and in the end it burns. The yellow inside the fire represents souls lost in the lies of the enemy. And the grey on the outside of the fire represents confusion.

the Bridge

A canyon with a big break down the middle. Deep in the break are sharpened sticks and freezing water. If the fall won’t kill you the water will.

A bridge was built long ago but was man made and broke. A new bridge was made by God and is strong.

One side of the canyon is life, the other death.

To get to the other side you need to walk through the fire.

the Bridge

Quiet Time.

Wall Continued

My journey of “the wall” has continued onto another path of a heart.

A harden heart, with a strong brick wall around it, a moat and a fence.

How far will we go to protect ourselves from the creator?

View a drawing of the first steps of The Wall, here.
View a video explanation of The Wall,
here.

Clouds

Hourglass.

Which side will you fill in on?

Cross

Proverbs 12:20

There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace. -Proverbs 12:20 (New International Version)

Living Water

Sketch


Water Color Version

Window

Foundation

Jesus is my foundation.