Me Without You

‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.’ - Jeremiah 29:11-12 (NIV)
We all have personal things we struggle with on a daily basis. We mentally or emotionally struggle within ourselves with things we know we ‘shouldn’t’ do.

“I can’t eat that cookie.”
“I don’t really want to go to that movie.”
“Don’t visit that web-site.”
“I shouldn’t talk to that person.”
“I can’t go to that store.”
“I need to stay away from that.”

We recite things over and over in our minds hoping that it will stick. That magically, we will stop wanting what we’re craving. Sometimes it works.

Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes we focus more on our secret indiscretion that it drives us crazy, until we’re so wound up that we can’t think of anything else.

And sometimes, we commit our secret pleasure. And for a split second it’s worth it. And then the guilt, shame and regret set in.

We all have things we struggle with. Some have less negative outcome then others. And some feel as if they destroy our lives.

But we need to remember that we need to hold on. We cannot give up.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a really hard time remembering this. I was at the lowest I’ve been in a while. I had to coach myself not to fall. Because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to catch myself until I hit the very bottom.

I’ve gone a year without harming myself; I’ve only done this once before. Every time I fall, I fall further than I did the last time. The self-harm gets worse, more intense. It happens more often. I self-medicate with anything and everything I can get my hands on.

It’s a very low point for me. That is until, somehow, God breaks through the veil of darkness I place up around me shinning with His miraculous and gracious light.

So here I was, a few weeks ago, fighting as hard as I could against the craving of a blade. And I felt like I couldn’t do. I literally felt like I couldn’t fight anymore.

I was casting away the thoughts, praying, quoting scriptures and listening to worship music. But the feeling was still there, I still wanted to harm myself. As I prayed the feeling only intensified.

I found my way to a religious web-site where I could chat live with someone for prayer and encouragement. I was connected with someone and I told them briefly what I was struggling with. They suggested that I cast away the thoughts that we’re haunting me. They gave me scriptures to quote out loud. They suggested bands for me to listen to for encouragement. And all I could think was, ‘This isn’t helping!’

Me: I know you’re trying to help. And I don’t mean to sound rude. But everything you’re suggesting isn’t helpful. I am already doing the things you’ve suggested.
Person: Sometimes we need to be reminded of the things God says.

Then it clicked and everything was instantly better. The desire to harm myself vanished.

I was doing everything I knew to keep myself strong and protected (spiritually), but I allowed myself to believe the lie truth that God wasn’t hearing my prayers and pleas of salvation.

Sometimes we need someone else to remind us of God’s truth to confirm that we’re okay and that we’re on the right path. We can do productive things over and over, and sometimes over time they feel like they’re not working – but they are.

God, is always there. And with Him, we can look at our daily struggles and we can overcome them. We just need to believe - that we can. 

’And where would I be
Without You...

I'd be packin' my bags when I need to stay
I'd be chasin' every breeze that blows my way
I'd be building my kingdom just to watch it fade away
It's true
That's me without You-ou-ou-ou-ou-ou’
- ‘Me Without You’ by Toby Mac