– Philippians 4:13
The devil really seems to want to keep me down. I mean, I know that is his purpose is to seek and destroy. But I didn't think it would be this hard, that seems to be my statement for my entire Honor Academy experience. Since I started to pack weeks ago to head down here, I knew I was unprepared. Even though I took plenty of time to prepare and physic up myself, I found myself at the last moment struggling to get everything done. And then as soon as I got here and placed my first step on the HA ground, I knew I was in for a fight.
HA is nothing of what I expected. Everything I thought and knew is completely different. The first thing that the Executive Director made known was that: We were all here for a reason, it was no chance that we had made it this far. He went on to explain that everyone had been praying for us, that God would lead the right people to come, and that we would learn much from our one year at the Honor Academy.
To be honest, I thought nothing of this. Growing up in church, half my life, I've always heard this: Pray that God will lead the right people to come, pray that the people who need to come will come, pray for God's will, etc. And honestly, viewing all the "praying" and wishing for God's "will" never really turned out well. I grew to think it was just something that everyone said but never really meant it. And now I think differently about that.
This first week (Yes, I've ONLY been here for a week. Feels like months.) has taught me so much, and I know that's so cliché; but it's so true. I've never felt more at peace in my life. I feel content and know that I can do this with God's help. I can't rely on myself, I've always relied on my own strength; and I'm not that strong, so I would always fail. But now, I'm starting to learn that I need to trust in God and let him encourage and strengthen me.
Believe me; it wasn't easy for me to come to this conclusion, it took me six days. Saturday morning, I was energetic and I was hopeful. I woke up early and was ready for Corporate; I didn't walk the track very well, but I did give it my all. Sunday, woke up went to Corporate and walked a little more. Monday, woke up went to Corporate again and this, this was where Satan had it in for me. I was determined to walk the whole course, I was determined that I would also run a bit.
I walked a bit and then ran, then walked then ran; I continued this cycle for a while with my partner, I wouldn't run far though – only a few steps. She was determined to get me to push myself, so she set up goals for me to reach; the last goal was to run the entire length of the pavilion. I started at the back and headed towards the front, I was running really well, I was starting to get hope that I could do this, that I could run this track and that it wouldn't defeat me. We got half way, I smiled and started pushing harder and the, I fell into a pot hole. My foot slipped into it for a second causing me to slow down, my ankle to twist and running into my partner.
In panic I stopped for a second to regain myself and started to walk again, I started to cry as my partner hugged me. It scared the heck out of me. I was running and out of no where I miss-stepped and it caused me to weave. How many times does that happen to us in life? How many times do we think we know what's right for us, do it and then fall into a hole? How many times do we know God's will yet chose to disobey and end in a place we would rather not be?
That's me. That's my life right there. The devil knew that in that instant that I miss-stepped that he could come in and take me down and he tried. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I took deep breaths, shook my head and held back my tears as I picked up my pace once again and ran to the goal we had placed before us. It was a mini victory, but a victory nonetheless for me.
Later that day I was walking to my dorm with a friend, she was on the sidewalk and I was on the grass; another miss-step and I found myself in another pot hole. This time I completely went down on my ankle and twisted it badly. I stood up straight and limped back to my room. I was okay a few hours later but the next morning it hurt to walk, let alone run or do exercise. I pushed myself so hard to do something (the day before) that was so hard for me at full strength, now at half.
I was able to do Corporate and was able to walk the track: Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But my foot still hurt. Each day it got a little easier to walk as the day went on, but the morning was killer. It hurt to wake up so early, walk to the avail and then do exercise; it was painful, very. But I was determined that I wouldn't let the pain get to me. I was determined that I would do the exercise and the track.
I woke up this morning and again my foot was hurting me. It hurt more then the days before. I walked to the avail with a limp; I was hardly able to keep up with the exercises, and then we had to do the track. Again, I was determined not to let the pain hold me back. I walked up the slightly steep (small) hill to the starting place and jogged for a bit, one of my roommates came next to me and urged me on. She had been my partner a few days before. She kept me motivated, kept me moving and kept quoting scripture to me: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
She set up goals for me and I made them; but I would make goals myself, I was determined to go father then what she set up. We kept going by light posts: "Start running here and go to the next post and then stop." I was determined to pass the one she told me and go to the next one; surprisingly enough, I did. By the time we had finished the course, I had ran 1/4 of the 1.2 track. I was so proud. I seriously doubted that I would ever be able to run the track. But now that I know I can do a quarter of it, I now have the confidence to do the rest.
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