Scars to Stars

I've been listening to Air1 a lot the last few weeks. I listen to music in a cycle. For a while all I will listen to are play-list's that I've created. Then I'll move to a certain artist and then another artist. Then I listen to one song non-stop for weeks at a time. And then I finally make my way back to the radio. Where I discover or re-discover music that I love, I create new play-list's and the cycle starts all over again.

Last night a song played on the radio that I had completely forgotten about.



When I was at Teen Mania, I became OBSESSED with Switchfoot. I found people all over campus that had their music; I borrowed CD's and I listened to them non-stop for a few months straight. I secretly fell in love with Jon Foreman's voice.

Late at night, I would go out to the gazebo behind the dorms and I would lay in the grass on a blanket. I would take my journal, Bible and iPod. And I would just lay there under the stars listening to music. I felt so lost at Teen Mania, I had so many personal issues and I didn't know how to take care of them - so I isolated myself a lot.

I've always felt a special connection to the stars and the star shape. I mean, I go by Stella Star for goodness sake! Ha ha. So it should be no surprise that I gravitate towards songs that sing about stars, what they are or how they make people feel.

So, when I found 'Stars' by Switchfoot at a time in my life where I felt so disconnected and like an outcast - it brought me peace and hope.

"When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars,
When I look at the stars I feel like myself

When I look at the stars, the stars
I see someone..."

Yes, I had problems. Yes I struggled with depression and self-harm. And yes, I was the one to blame. But when I finally admitted that, admitted I was damaged - I realized I wasn't the only one. And I realized that I couldn't save myself. I had to ask for help; I had to reach out for help. And no, I didn't do that while at Teen Mania, my healing process didn't start till after I left. But God started working in me. He built up my strength and courage in the conversations I had and in the music I listened to.

God kept me safe, until I was ready. Truly read to examine my scars.

Song: "Stars" by Switchfoot