Train Me Up

Today at church, the pastor was teaching on how we need to be warriors. How we need to be warriors for God and how we need to go to battle to fight for God's people.

The pastor then touched the subject that if you're dealing/struggling with something that you can't shake, that the enemy just keeps coming at you, that probably means you're doing something right or that you're a priority to God.

"Why would the enemy send a foot solider to take out a general?"

And all I could think of was: "I'm the one with the red band!"

When I lived in Texas and was in the middle of my healing journey, I would sit in the church's prayer chapel and I would meditate on God. God would reveal things to me either in words or in pictures. One day God showed me a vision of me and the atmosphere around me. I had to draw it out.

"The heart represents the soul. The yellow represents God and the gray represents the enemy. The dark gray represents the strongholds the enemy still has. The light grey represents where the enemy has lost control. Sin is still there but it is no longer trapped. God can now go in and heal.

The demons split tail represents his indecisiveness; trying to make me doubt. The red band around his head means he’s one of the best. The notches in his band represent the lives he’s destroyed." - Posted on my Facebook; October 31, 2009

After I drew out the drawing, I wrote this on the back of the drawing. The next day I showed the drawing to my mentor and the pastor's wife. I had shared these types of drawings with them before. But this one was different. 

Most of the things I 'see', 'sense' or 'feel' have no real evidence of truth, and honestly, I don't fully believe 100% that they're from God. There's always the doubt that I do have that active of an imagination.

After I shared my drawing and the description of it, my mentor shared a story.

"It's interesting that you mention the red band. I heard a missionary share a story of a possessed man. He was acting crazy and causing havoc. The missionary talked to the demon and asked the demon why he was doing this. The demon replied with 'I'm the one with the red band'. The missionary said that the demon acted like the red band meant seniority." 

This was the first, and only, time something I've 'seen' has been confirmed. And it's always stuck with me.

The pastor then went on to say, that God gives us our calling but then sends us back to where we were before He gave us the calling. God might tell us our purpose, but doesn't always immediately put us to work in it. And that in those moment, God works in us to builds us up and trains us in order to fight.

The last few years, I haven't really been listening to God's voice. I haven't been meditating on Him or His words. I haven't been willing to listen to the words He tells me or to draw out visions He gives me. I've completely pulled away from my spiritual gifts.

It's no coincidence that a group I've been going to has been focusing on this the last few weeks. Working and nurturing your spiritual gifts. It's also no coincidence that this has been re-awakening them (my spiritual gifts). And, it's also far from a coincidence that this was the pastor's topic this morning. Or that I've become restless with my contentment. 

I think God's getting ready to bring me back into training again. I feel scared, because I don't know if I'm ready to battle. But it also gives me a breath of fresh air, because I'm tired of sitting still. 

I am a warrior. I am a fighter. I have a waring spirit and I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines. I'm TIRED of the enemy thinking he can push me or others around. 

I'm not ready for battle. But I am ready for training.