Core Support

I hate God’s humor, it really isn’t entertaining.

So I decided Sunday that I wouldn’t do ESOAL. I made my mind up and wasn’t doing it. I was getting ready to drop out after corporate this morning; I had been procrastinating because I knew I would get disappointed looks from my core and family cores.

All through corporate my core, family cores and company would encourage me; telling me I could do it, saying I was doing well, that I was an inspiration and lots of other feel good things, but to me it seemed like I was holding them back. My company always has to be looking out for me, always watching my back to make sure I don’t fall too far behind, or make sure that I’m not dying in a ditch; I felt like a burden to them.

So here we are early morning at 5:30am running (walking) the track and one of my platoon/roommates is walking with me. We run a little, walk a little, run, walk, talk, tell jokes, sing, whatever it might be to keep us moving; and in front of us is a group of three girls also walking. We watched them from about 10 feet away in silent; it broke my heart to hear what two of the girls were saying to the third. One of the girls was having problems keeping up with the other two and the two that were ahead were nagging her to keep up. Saying un-encouraging words and telling her to hurry up; you could tell by her body language she felt defeated.

And at the moment, out of no where, I could hear God saying: ‘I love you, can’t you see that?’ And at that moment I was instantly thankful for my roommate, my core, family cores and company. Here’s my partner jogging with me when she could easily run as fast as she could and finish the set course in minutes, but instead she jogs the 30 minutes with me. Every time someone in my company passes me on the track they encourage me to continue on. Every time a core mate runs by they tell me they love me. God has blessed me with such caring, loving and supporting people and I want to just throw all of that way away? God placed these people in my life for a reason; and if they’re not going to give up on me, then why should I give up on myself?