Last night, I was watching a movie where an older parent
died in their sleep. The child, in their mid-adult life, discovers their parent
and is devastated. To some watching this, it’s just an emotional and intense
scene. To me, it dragged me into that room and I felt every emotion of the
actor.
Watching that scene dragged me back into my parent’s room,
seven years ago as I held my mother and watched her die in my arms. All I could
see, on the TV screen, was me holding my mother in my arms crying and pleading
with God to not take her from me.
Trauma: a
deeply distressing or disturbing experience.
When someone important in our life dies, we go through
different stages of grief. Some people go through these stages quickly, some
people don’t have to go through them all, some people start the stages right
away and some people start them later in life. But, at one point or another we
all have to come to terms with the trauma of losing someone we love and care
for.
The trauma of losing someone close to us descends,
slowly. The intensity of the pain left behind in that moment of departure
decreases, most of the time. And sometimes, everyday activates bring triggers
that bring back that trauma so intensely, that we feel like we can’t handle the
emotions that follow.
In that moment, in that exact moment of vulnerability our
true character shines. Either in glory or defeat.
We make decisions every day to allow things to affect us
in a positive or negative way. We have the choice to allow trauma to captivate
our grief stricken heart or to allow God to help us walk through the stages of
grief and ask Him to heal us.
So there I sat in my seat watching the scene of my own
life. I was sad and felt compassion for the fictional character. But I was glad
and rejoiced in the fact that I know my mother is in heaven now.
I’ve chosen to allow God to heal the areas of my heart
where trauma has corrupted it. And I couldn’t be more at peace.
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